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The GEM Debate: Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I wanted to write about this last week but for a variety of reasons didn’t get around to it. But I definitely wanted to get your thoughts on this one so here goes.

 A few weeks ago, a British writer named Samantha Brick said something publicly that ended with the full weight of the Twitterverse landing  atop her beautiful, blond head. Samantha wrote in a column that she knows she’s beautiful and that’s the reason most women hate her.

Samantha claims proof of her beauty, other than a mirror, are the numerous instances when men send her alcoholic beverages, present her with flowers or, unsolicited, buy her train tickets. Her column  (and confidence) ended up getting thousands of comments, many of them negative.

Now I have two thoughts on this. First, what the heck is with this woman? Does she really think that because a guy buys her drinks or sends her flowers she’s all that? And then there are statements like these:

If you’re a woman reading this, I’d hazard that you’ve already formed your own opinion about me — and it won’t be very flattering.

She followed up with an appearance on a British morning show in which she defended her remarks.

So I have a couple of thoughts. Is it that insecure b*tches have the knives out for Samantha or is it her something more? Could it be the reason women don’t like her is her insistence that she is all that? Maybe it’s her unwavering knowledge that their husbands would leave them at a roadside restroom if Samantha said, “Let’s go”?

A little soul-baring here. The other day I wrote a snarky thing on my Facebook page about a female celebrity. She was wearing her hair in a particularly unflattering way that accentuated her painfully thin figure. She’s also a bit of an exhibitionist, always taking and tweeting pictures of herself and her new husband. When I said that thing about her hair, one of my Facebook friends expressed disappointment in me. I felt terrible for saying it because I hate to think that we (women) are an insecure, snarky bunch.

But are we?

Truth be told, the ire and distaste I had for that actress has more to do with her actions than the way she looked; I think it’s the same thing with Samantha. I don’t think women are as turned off by her being cute or having confidence as much as her being conceited. Samantha would do herself some good by putting down the mirror and looking deep inside. If beauty is skin deep but ugly’s to the bone, she’s in for a rude awakening.

Okay how about you weigh in on these two issues. What do you think of Samantha’s claim about why women hate her? Are women that mean and insecure and do men find a woman this confident in the way she looks, attractive? Lemme hear ya!

More from GEM:

Our Story Begins: Don’t Wait; Say It Today

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The Good, The Bad and the Ugly; An Unvarnished Look Inside A Real Marriage


  1. pattyrowland

    April 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    i honestly think that the blondish anchor woman is more attractive than this samantha person…geez.

  2. Smac

    April 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Your attitude says more about you than your face does. I don’t think women “hate” her because of her looks, it’s probably her attitude about her looks. My grandmother always told me “pretty girls come a dime a dozen”. WTBS, what will she rely on when she starts to age? Looks like she is going to have to start working on that personality. The most attractive women are the women’s that don’t rely on exterior beauty to please those around them.

  3. Carmen

    April 9, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Hey Rene! All great points (as usual).

    I have to say the reason I’m so turned off by her comments is because she clearly doesn’t get The Point— and is so completely self-absorbed and closed-minded that she has decided that clearly WE are the ones with the problem— not her.

    Let’s set aside the fact that she doesn’t seem to recognize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (which— honestly— is enough to make her comments annoying)… and just focus on her attitude.

    I encourage and applaud self-confidence in women. Too many of us are needlessly hard on ourselves. But when someone feels they need to insult other women in order to feel better about themselves (which she did when she said that other women are the ones with the problem, not her)— THAT’s where I have a problem. It’s no less annoying than a co-worker blaming you for something that the co-worker did. I don’t dislike her because she’s beautiful. I dislike her because she completely believes that I don’t like her because she’s beautiful. She refuses to acknowledge that her egocentricity could have something to do with people not liking her… and something I’m realizing lately (especially with all the political craziness going on) is that I am HIGHLY annoyed by people who refuse to look beyond their own limited perceptions.

    That being said, more than anything I feel sorry for her. If she truly is this superficial— chances are the only people she has in her life operate under the same ego— which means that she’s not likely to ever experience friends and a partner who love her for who she is. Honestly, that’s worth more than good looks every day of the week. I find it sad that she could have both if she looked inward instead of outward.

  4. Dave M

    April 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I actually think the psychologist next to her on the couch was prettier. I don’t find her particularly attractive nor would I have just randomly given her flowers. I did notice that she managed to mention her time in the “French Countryside” a whole lot and I honestly think she’s craving the attention. Sorry, I know I write a blog and write for you on this site, but I don’t do the blog for money nor for publicity. It helps me and I hope it helps others. Simple.
    But this woman says she’s a “part-time writer” but seems to relish the attention she’s getting. Sorry, not buying it. I think it’s a publicity stunt and it worked. I mean, I knew I was out of my league with my wife, but she was far more attractive and fun than this woman – she’s a bit of a stick in the mud.

  5. Michelle

    April 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    I actually feel sorry for her. The fact is, she has alienated women from her life because of something perceived and not confirmed. I guess for her though, her perspective would be that women have alienated her and not the other way around.
    Every woman needs to have that bond with another “sister” who gets her and she can talk to. Real women hold each other up, not tear each other down.
    I believe that she’s lonely and she can’t understand why. Her deluded conclusion is it’s because of her “beauty”.
    Sometimes it’s hard for us to see our own faults and wish to blame others for our insecurities. She’s just taken it to another level.
    I don’t think that the backlash has done anything but help her confirm her fantasy.

  6. Whitney Eiland

    April 10, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Michelle so well put, she has the issue really. I’m sorry they gave her a platform to get women all over the world going. But hey, hopefully this will free some woman from that same mentality.

  7. m.e. johnson

    April 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Maybe she purposely ‘associates’ with women she perceives as less attractive than herself, like the one-eyed man who is king in the land of the blind. Whatever, she is deluded, and as y’all have said, it’s probably her attitude that turns people off.

    I’ve belonged to a couple social clubs where one was the prettiest one. She was sweet, smart, helpful and talked about no more than any of the others. :o)

  8. Michaelandfred

    April 11, 2012 at 10:41 am

    So my take and it’s not an easy one because like most things, it’s shades of gray and not black or white.

    First off, let’s be honest about one thing. The double standard. It’s “ok” for others to say someone is beautiful, but, unlike almost anything else (knowing you’re an exceptional pastry chef, or engineering genius, etc.) knowing that you yourself are seems to be taboo. You’re supposed to pretend ignorance or the sentence becomes, “jane (Jill, john, Mark) is beautiful….but they know it!” For some reason it’s ok to be beautiful as long ad you go through life apologizing for it to everyone around you and NEVER suggesting that it’s ok.

    Let’s also be real about something else. While being beautiful doesn’t make you pretty on the inside, it doesn’t “have” to make you ugly either, anymore than being fat on the outside automatically makes you jolly, happy and nice on the inside. Not judging a book by its cover goes both ways. Believe me, I’ve been beautiful my whole adult life and more often than not people assume I’m either an ass or stupid (hopefully because anything else would just be unfair…). I can’t help how I look and it’s unfair to pick and choose how to treat me based on different criteria than that of others. if I dress up for a party, or take my shirt off because it’s hot out, im not doing it like those around me, I’m obviously doing it for me ego…

    The flip side of this is that yes, there are a lot of people who use the “everyone hates me because I’m beautiful” response to hide the fact that everyone actually dislikes you because, to put it mildly, you’re an ass.

  9. Rene Syler

    April 11, 2012 at 10:56 am

    @Michaelandfred: I agree with most of what you say but I don’t think people have to go through life feigning ignorance about their beauty. I think what is particularly off-putting about this is that a) she’s really NOT all that and b) she could be all that if she wasn’t so busy telling people she was all that. There is also an element of,” I think thou dost protest too loudly” going on here. People who are good at what they do (and secure in that) don’t need to tell everyone; it is evident by their actions. I think the same applies here. THX for weighing in!

  10. Will Jones

    April 11, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Hilarious that so many people are attacking this woman!

    What she’s saying is absolutely true. A huge percentage of the time, a person is treated, whether negatively or positively, based purely on how they look, and YES, women LOVE to attack an attractive woman. Women are naturally competitive, especially when it comes to how attractive they are (or think they are) to men. It’s a throw-back, survival mechanism from the caveman days, when the most attractive women drew the most dominant men and the best providers. Men are just as guilty, except that we are normally less verbal and more physical. We still compete to assert our dominance (how fit we are) or our ability to provide(how rich we are), women still compete to assert their attractiveness (how pretty they are and how ugly another woman is), and we’ll all still be doing it ‘til the end.

    Men don’t like to be told that we’re beating our chests or acting like jealous, possessive cavemen even though most of us still do it on occasion, and women don’t like to be told that they are being “snarky” or hating on another woman just because she is attractive… even though most of them do. This woman is being singled out and attacked because she had the audacity to say that it does happen to her… and because she IS relatively attractive.

    Call it what you will; competition brings out the claws and women do love to tear each other apart when they feel threatened by a women that they feel MIGHT be perceived as “as attractive” or “more attractive” then themselves.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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