You talk a lot about your marriage and your wife, and I want what you have. I want that one woman in my life who just makes me and everything around me, better. I’m a young guy (25), but all women see is a number then think I’m not ready to be a husband. I’m a good man and I treat women very well, but I can’t find a woman who treats me any better than the gum on the bottom of her shoe. I like taking my dates to nice places, like museums, poetry readings, and carnivals; places where we can talk and really get to know each other, but they don’t see it that way. They think I’m just being cheap and I’m so tired of it! Why do women say they want a good man, but then treat him like garbage?
Fed Up In Chicago
Hey, Fed Up,
Finally! A question from a GUY! I knew we were out there! Oh, my brother! Since you’re the first, you get preferential treatment. I’ve got you on this one!
This is an age-old question, and one that my friends, both female and male, have been pondering for years. I have actually SEEN women in tears after being dogged by some “almost man”, whining, “Why can’t I find a good man who’ll love me and respect me? Why can’t I find a gentleman who treats me like my dad treats my mom? Oh why, God, WHY?!!” Then a few months down the road, they meet a man who’s respectful, kindhearted, soft-spoken and together. And this brother is lucky if he gets a second date. Well grasshopper, if you are truly looking for a soul mate, then grab a pen and a sheet of paper whilst I break it down for you…
THE PROBLEM: The good news is that there are MILLIONS of women out there who are adult enough to know that passing over a good man and dating the “bad boy” almost always ends in a restraining order and an episode of “Cops”. The bad news is, you’re dating all of the other ones. There’s a good possibility that you may be getting hung up on the physical and, while a well-wrapped package looks great, it doesn’t count for much if the box is empty. Sounds like you are dating a lot of empty boxes.
You see, some women can’t think any deeper than the bottom of a man’s pockets. These women want their time, their meals, their very existence, paid for. In short, they don’t need a good man; they need a good job. Now you could try to change who you are or act like the bad boy with the heart of gold but why should you have to? Doing that is a sure fire way to end up married to someone you wish you’d never met, which is within walking distance of divorce court. And if you’re wondering what that feels like, just hand some woman your house keys and half of your paycheck and then ask her to kick you in the balls. Sounds like fun, right?
THE SOLUTION: Remember that pen and paper I told you to get? I wasn’t joking. Get it now; I’ll wait…Got it? Good.
Sit down and DESIGN your perfect woman. Yes, seriously. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, what are the chances you’ll find it? Decide what traits you need in a woman. Really think about her. Where did she grow up? What books does she like to read? What’s her favorite restaurant, and why? What does she like to talk about? What movie makes her cry every time she sees it? Where would you find her on a cold, rainy, Saturday afternoon? I know to you these questions might seem irrelevant, but trust me, any man who’s been married more than a couple of years could answer these in his sleep. Ask as many questions as you can come up with. Then sit back and study you answers:
- Do any of the women you’ve been dating fit the profile?
- If not, then why in the hell have you been dating those women?
Now you’re thinking “Is it really this easy?” Of course not, but it’s a damn good start. Now you have a “shopping list”, so to speak. You won’t find Mrs. Right on your first swing, but it will only take a two-minute conversation to know if you’re talking to Mrs. Wrong; then you can move on and keep shopping. Yes, it may take a while. Yes, you may get frustrated. Yes, it may seem like you’ll never find her, but that’s usually about the time that you do.
So what now? Dude, do I have to spell it out for you? Do you want me to come out and be your wingman tonight too? Good grief. I’m surrounded by amateurs.
Well, since you are the first man who’s written in, I’ll give you a little more help. That list you wrote is also a pretty good road map. If the woman you wrote about likes to go to museums, pick your favorite one and go see if you can find her there. If she likes carnivals, see if you can track down your Mrs. Right at the next state fair. If she likes poetry readings, hit up a slam or two. The perfect woman for you is out there, but I’d hurry if I was you. You aren’t the only guy reading this.
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William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing. Follow him on Twitter at @goodenoughguy1.