Ask Rene: I'm Worried My Husband Has Cancer!

Hi Rene:

I have an issue that is very sensitive and I am unsure of the best way to handle it. I recently noticed/felt what appears to be a pea-sized knot or bump/lump on the underside of one of my husband’s testicles. I’ve never noticed it before, (we’ve been married 12 years) but I’m worried that he should at least let his doctor check him out. As you can imagine, finding the words to tell him has been difficult because he is the type of man who is very reactionary about sensitive subjects such as this and I am afraid that this would really freak him out (not in a dangerous way). This could be serious and then again it may be nothing. In any case, I am definitely going to tell him, I just don’t know how. How should I handle this?? Please help

Sign me,

So Worried

Dear Worried:

Your love for this man is admirable; it literally jumps off the page. You are 100 percent right, he needs to see his doctor and fast. But I see your point about but not wanting to frighten him. Okay, so here’s what I would do if I were you.

CALL HIS DOCTOR: My husband and I have the same general practitioner so I have a relationship with him. I’m the one responsible for making appointments for our check-ups and have, in the past, spoken to him about my husband’s health. If you have the same arrangement, then you can call the doctor and have a conversation with him yourself. If you do not know his doctor, call anyway. He may be able to allay your fears a bit and give you a better handle on what’s going on. What he cannot do is issue a diagnosis over the phone and more than likely, will want to check that out himself. So before you get off the phone, make the appointment.

TELL YOUR HUSBAND: This is the tricky part and why you wrote to me in the first place. But you really can’t afford to sit on this information for too long because, if it is something serious, the earlier it is discovered and treated, the better the prognosis. So putting myself in your shoes, I would first learn as much as I could from reputable sources like your doctor or medical-affiliated websites. Then I would sit my husband down in a quiet moment and just tell him. There really isn’t any other way to do this except to just say it. Be gentle and convey compassion. Make sure he knows you’ve been studying up on this but more than anything, not to jump to conclusions.

THINGS TO REMEMBER: I know you’re worried but I want you to remember these things and tell your husband too.

*Don’t panic until you know. You’re going to need to remain calm so you can make good, sound decisions.

*Testicular cancer, like so many others, can usually be cured, when found early. But again, this lump could be anything, so don’t go to the dark place right away.

*Tell him you will be with him every step of the way. When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, it brought out the reporter in me. I went to all the appointments with her, took notes, asked questions and really became her healthcare advocate. Assure your husband this is not a path he will travel alone.

You know that saying, it’s better to light a candle then to curse the darkness? Things always seem bigger and badder when you only know a portion of them. So be brave, I know you are, and flick on a light. Once you know what you are dealing with you can develop an appropriate strategy going forward.

Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to tell my male GEMs, check yourself, bruh. You make us crazy at times, but we can’t imagine our lives without you.

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