Now this is eye opening. I came across this piece in the Huffington Post today which detailed how an affair could actually be good for your marriage. Huh? GOOD for your marriage? How so? Well, according to Dr. Tammy Nelson, affairs are like viruses, opportunistic in nature. They attack an area of weakness, sometimes one the person is not aware of. Kind of like the flu, I guess, when you haven’t been vaccinated against it. I’ve never had the flu before but I hear it ain’t fun. So how on earth is THIS good?
Dr. Nelson in doing research for her new book, says that kind of betrayal serves as the most critical kind of wake-up call and forces us to be honest with our mates about what we’ve been getting and ourselves about what we want. Now, I’m going to give you the completely politically correct and boring reaction to this story. “Oh my gosh, I would NEVER!” But the deep down, unvarnished truth part of me is first, thankful Buff never reads Good Enough Mother and secondly wonders if our relationship could use a jolt like this.
Stick with me a minute. It’s my theory of natural consequences. With your kid, you tell them time and again to do their homework. You’ve tried talking, begging, pleading, sticks, carrots and video games yet nothing works. Until they experience firsthand what their lack of effort gets them. That jolts them out of their sleepwalking state, makes them realize that this is for all the marbles and in the best case, lights a fire under their fanny.
Buff and I have been married nearly 18 years and I am proud of that. But like a lot of marriages, there’s some wear and tear around the edges. Throw in the troubles of the last several years, and I think it’s a wonder we’re still together, though sometimes through spit and bailing wire. Don’t say go to a counselor, we’ve done that, with only moderate results. And don’t panic because we’re not splitting up. This is just had me wondering aloud if my marriage would be stronger after an affair or would it implode under the weight of such an indiscretion. It is an interesting concept but not one I’ll be trying out anytime soon.
What do you think about this? Could an affair make a marriage STRONGER or does this sound like a bunch of psychobabble designed to sell books? Has this ever happened to you? What did you do?