Hope you can give me some advice.
I’ve been married for four years now and although my husband’s body was never that of a “magazine cover” model, I was happy with the way he looked. I love Andrew dearly and we have great fun together but I worry so much about how “big” he’s become now. I’ve tried talking to him about his weight but he won’t listen, he thinks I’m nagging and he gets really upset and very sensitive.
I also noticed that he tries to avoid anything physical like country walks, swimming and even a holiday had been cancelled because “he wasn’t in the mood” (I don’t think he wanted to lay by the pool)
The thing is we’re still in our late 20’s and have our whole lives ahead of us. Sometimes I worry about where this is all going and it makes me really sad. We don’t have kids yet – but I don’t know if I want to with a man who’s so overweight. Will our kids be unfit and unhealthy?
What can I do to change the man that I love so much?
Danger, danger, DANGER! I just have to say that before moving on. This is such a touchy issue and you need to tread very lightly. That’s the sobering part; the good news is you’re both young and I think you can turn things around. With that in mind, here’s what I would recommend:
MAKE SURE HE KNOWS YOU ARE ON HIS TEAM: Of all the things I am going to tell you, I feel like this is the most important. Andrew needs your support! He needs to know the reason behind your effort to get him back in shape is not so he’ll look like Ryan Reynolds or any other Hollywood hunk. This is about the man you love, the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and you want him to be healthy. I do not think you can say this enough. I think it will sound less like nagging if you approach it from a place of love and concern.
DEVISE A PLAN AND GET TO WORK: Weight gain is one of those insidious things. I don’t mean how it happens, anyone who took biology in high school knows eating more than we expend is the answer there. No, I’m actually talking about the WHY. So many of us we start get busy and pretty soon workouts are replaced by just plain work, or family appointments, sleep or just plain life. I’m not saying it’s right, it just is. So the best way to combat that is with a plan and making it a priority. What I’ve done with my husband is enlisted the help of his doctor. When I make the appointment for the yearly physical, I’ll just let him know that hubby’s weight is creeping up there and ask if he can mention it to him. That’s a start. You can also join a gym, work out at home or just walk after meals but do it together, again showing him how much you support and care for him. Added bonus, you’ll get in shape too.
OFFER LOTS OF SUPPORT: I touched on this in the previous paragraph but you have to know how critical this component is. Weight loss and getting in shape can be frustrating; you’re dieting and hungry and cranky yet the scale hasn’t budged and you’re ready to throw in the towel. This is where the support system comes in. Keep reminding Andrew of the bigger picture; that this is not about going down a few notches in his belt rather making healthy choices that will last a lifetime. And let him know he’s still sexy/handsome/cute whatever you use to describe him. I think it will help with his self-esteem and he might not be so shy the next time you book a vacation to a warm weather spot.
I would also suggest trying to incorporate some fun into your weight loss efforts. Maybe the two of you could take up an active hobby like cycling or rollerblading and as the weight comes off, he may start feeling better physically and want to do even more. Don’t worry too much about what things will be like when you have kids. Hopefully by then, you both will understand what it takes to incorporate healthy habits into your daily routine. If you are patient, consistent and supportive I’m sure you’ll be rewarded.
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