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Ask The Good Enough Guy: Why Don’t Guys Like The Spa?

men and spas

 

 

Hey Good Enough Guy,

My husband Clark and I are having a disagreement I hope you can help us solve. For our anniversary, I thought it would be nice for us to spend a weekend at a spa retreat. I booked the trip as a surprise gift.

When I finally presented my husband with the gift, he said thank you but he wasn’t interested. He doesn’t think the spa is an “appropriate” place for a man to be, even on his anniversary.

I think he’s being ridiculous. Come on, it’s 2011! What do you think?

Janis, Park City

spas

Hey Janis,

When your husband says it’s not “appropriate”, what he’s really saying is “if I wanted strangers massaging my naked body, I wouldn’t have gotten married”. What is it with women wanting their husbands to get rubbed on by other people? I’ve been fighting with my wife on this for years.

My wife loves the spa! Facials, manicures, pedicures, massages, waxes, the works… and I’m fine with that. I don’t understand why she likes it, but I don’t need to. She likes it, so she should go and enjoy it. However, she refuses to understand that I don’t want to go and “enjoy” it with her. And why do so many husbands shy away from the spa? Here are some of my personal reasons, and there’s a good chance your husband’s reason is in here somewhere:

THE COUPLE’S MASSAGE: There is no correct combination of men-to-women for a husband to enjoy this activity without some repercussions.

Two male masseuses – The only thing I’ll enjoy less than being rubbed on by a man is being rubbed on by a man while I watch my wife being rubbed on by some other man.

Two female masseuses – I’m a guy. If a woman is rubbing hot oil on me while I’m watching another woman rubbing hot oil on my wife, “guy things” are probably going to happen to me, and that’s going to lead to a really uncomfortable conversation once we get home.

One male and one female masseuse… My wife thinks, whether it’s man-man-woman-woman or man-woman-woman-man, this combination makes everything okay. I feel like any combination of this, mixed with oil and rubbing, is just a strobe light and a funky bass line away from bad seventies porn.

THE NAKEDNESS: I’m absolutely fine with nudity. Hell, I’m writing this article naked right now, but that’s neither here nor there. Like most men, I’m fine with being naked, if I’m in MY element. Grabbing a shower at the gym or walking around my bedroom (or the whole house, when the kids aren’t home) is one thing because it’s my space and I’m comfortable here, but I don’t know the spa: it’s not my element. I wouldn’t expect my wife to feel relaxed walking around in the men’s locker room wearing just a wet towel… and if she does feel relaxed, we need to have one of those really uncomfortable conversations again.

THE FEMININITY: Let’s be honest: The spa is designed by women for women.  Again, I’m quite secure in who I am and have no problem admitting that I have a softer side (I’ve seen “The Color Purple” a hundred times, but that last fifteen minutes… DAMMIT). I treat my feminine side pretty good, but too many scented candles, bath soaps, fluffy towels, and Kenny G remixes, and before you know it, my masculine side is gasping for air.

IT’S PERSONAL: Yeah, I bite my nails. Yeah, my feet are ticklish. Yeah, I have hair on my toes. You know who should know these things? Me. I don’t want to give someone my hand and have them try to pry six hours worth of yard work, engine grime, and latex paint out from under my fingernails, nor do I want to put my size elevens up on a stool, and have the poor pedicurist look at me like a just put fifty items onto the twelve-items-or-less counter. I’ll just soak my hands at home, and anything that doesn’t wash away tonight, I’ll chew out tomorrow, thank you.

I MIGHT LIKE IT: Okay, Okay!  I admit it! Part of the reason I don’t want to go is because I’m scared I might like it too much, and then I’ll turn into “that guy”. Yeah, you know the one. I won’t be able to change my oil anymore because my manicurist will have a fit. My Friday night relaxation beers will be replaced by a Saturday morning, sugar-scrub showers. And, before you know it, I’m the only guy shopping in Bath And Body Works who can smell the difference between lavender and lilac… and I’m buying them both for MY bathroom.

Janis, show this list to Clark, and I can almost guarantee he’ll chuckle and say, “Yeah, that’s about it.” And, while I could tell you how to force him, guilt him, or trick him into going to the spa with you, is that really how you want to treat him on your anniversary?

If you want to do something nice for him, you two should go on an Alaskan fishing trip together. Clark would probably love the idea of being out on the icy water before dawn, the boat tossing and turning, with the frigid wind biting at his hands and the smell of salmon in the air. And if Clark likes going, that means you should like going there too… right?

Happy anniversary to you and Clark… and I hope I helped!

Will Jones

William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.

35 Comments

  1. Tiffany

    May 7, 2011 at 9:39 am

    I know that basically summed up my husband & I didn’t even have to show him this list to know that. Good work, Will. 🙂

  2. keith

    May 7, 2011 at 10:29 am

    I actually have done a few of those things with my wife, its really not that bad. Still, if I was to make a list of reasons I didnt do them in the past, a few of those would be on it.

    I dont like funky bass lines in my pr0n lol.

  3. m.e. Johnson

    May 7, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Yeah, that last paragraph really said it all, Will. Also… so much for surprises. Like when I got a gift card for a store I wouldn’t be caught dead in (baad grammar).

  4. Pam R

    May 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    My husband is one of those guys that like to be scratched and rubbed on so when I set an appt for us to get massages, he had no problems. Of course it’s a personal preference. My husband is a guys guy. He’s a military man that’s not afriad to get dirty. But on the other hand our relationship is one of those where I know who I am, he know’s who he is and we are comfortable with what we have. No massage by a man or woman is going to cause it to crumble or cause him to go some place in his mind where he thinks it’s ok to get an errection from it. With that being said just recently we got couples massages and a male was my massuse (sp) and he had a female. I was just glad that I had a break!! I don’t think it makes a man less than one because he gets a massage, pedicure or manicure. It just means he has good hygiene. Nothing like a clean man, with clean nails and nice feet that doesn’t slice up my legs or my sheets. After being in boots all day my hubby appreciates a good foot rub.

  5. Irene

    May 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Well Good enough guy…go try it out and report back!!!

    What do we always tell our kids??? Try it first before you say whether you’d like it or not…

    grab a coupon and make a day of it.

  6. Will Jones

    May 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Pam- I totally agree that it’s absolutely personal preference, I’m all for everything you said… except for the erection part. I’m not sure if you know exactly how that works or if you think we have a much greater level of control than we actually do. Before I comment further, can I get a show of hands of all of the women who think that a man can simply will away an erection? (I’ll wait…)

    Irene- I’ll make a deal with you: If 20 women comment on this post and say that I should take my wife for a couple’s day at the spa, I WILL GO AND GET THE FULL TREATMENT!

  7. PiecesOfEight

    May 7, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    I dont know why but the spa never is my idea of R&R.
    I dont want people touching me and I cant just sit and relax, I need mental stimulation, and they wont let you sit and surf the net and debate politics etc during face treatments.

    Ive never had a facial in my life…

    I guess Im weird

  8. Pam R

    May 7, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Will…go and get the spa treatment with your wife….you will love it.

    My husband didn’t get an erection…I know I asked…LOL!!! We have fun like that! He did fall asleep though!

    You should go and let us all know how you ENJOYED IT AND IS LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING IT AGAIN! LOL!

  9. Will Jones

    May 7, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    OK, Irene… that’s one!

    Nineteen more and I’ll go! LOL

  10. Irene

    May 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    woohooo…good enough guy I am working a good enough saturday but when I get home tonight I will be on this….we’ll see… I love a challenge…. Thanks Pam!!!

    Common gems….weigh in!

  11. Rene Syler

    May 7, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    @Will I’m number 2!!! Come everyone!

  12. lisa k

    May 8, 2011 at 12:48 am

    Hi Irene..just stopped by to say “Every man should take himself and his wife to the spa at least once a month” It should be a law. lol.

  13. Will Jones

    May 8, 2011 at 11:08 am

    LOL. OK, that’s only three! I think I’m safe. 🙂

  14. Donnie

    May 8, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Hey will first off I like to say that Irene is my wife but you are my hero…Its right on. I don’t want nobody but my wife touching me…If I did it would be called an affair.lol..In saying all that has anybody seen the movie couples retreat. I would be the guy who when getting the massage he and the muses were very embarrassed because as you said Will Some probably most can not just well away a erection hehehaha…I love the part about being afraid about becoming one of those guys..Can’t change his own oil any more…Next thing you know they’ll want us to put on a dress and high heels and sing the good ship lollipop……I’m hook on this blog Will. Keep on taken up for the good enough guys!!!

  15. m.e. johnson

    May 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Will, I WON’T be one of the 20. I hate it when someone tries to force/cajole me to do something (like eat a fried bug). As I’ve said before, I hunker down like a cat on a countertop.

    If you get 20 or if you decide for yourself to try it, so be it.

    Do y’all know: The people who work there make fun of the imperfect bodies and nurses really do comment on dirty underwear.

  16. Will Jones

    May 9, 2011 at 4:33 am

    Donnie-Thanks for jumping in!!! I just KNEW more guys like me were out there somewhere! As long as I can still type, I’ll keep fighting for the rights of good enough guys and dirty-nailed dads everywhere. Thanks for reading.

    M.E.- I thinks it’s just part of my wife’s make-up to try to get me to do things I don’t want to do; she can’t help herself. If Irene does get the 20, I’ll go but I’ll get the last laugh. They may make fun of my imperfect body, but not my dirty underwear… cause I won’t wear any! That’s right! If I have to go into that battle, I’m going in COMMANDO! LOLOL!

  17. Irene

    May 9, 2011 at 9:50 am

    @Donnie funny funny hubbie
    @lisa,@rene thanks
    @Will….donnie doesn’t know it but a coworker of mine just opened up a thereputic massage with the premise around the working class…$25 massages!!! Little does Donnie know he may get to go 🙂 🙂
    Have a good week everyone

  18. Robert

    May 9, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I think Will should go and give a try. Will, you are one step closer to the spa door!! lol
    By the way, terrific article as usual. You always make me laugh, I am a big fan of your postings! Thanks again!

  19. Will Jones

    May 9, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Oh, Robert, how could you? LOL. Thanks for the comments and compliments… and thanks for reading.

    Ok, Irene, you’re up to four. (Run, Donnie! She’s comming for you too!)

  20. b.

    May 9, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    I’m chiming in too, Will!

    My husband and I went for a couples massage and he was ambivalent about it. The session started out with a soak in a large tub for two, then we had the massage and lunch afterwards (full package!).

    He had the concerns you named, particularly the involuntary reflex ;). He brought earbuds and a music player but if I remember correctly he was so relaxed by the time the massage came around he didn’t need it. (He used to use the music when getting his blood drawn too.) So…if you do end up going, you can try bringing music or a podcast to listen to while getting the knots worked out of your shoulders.

    I enjoyed the couples time b/c it allowed us to share a relaxing experience. Besides, he knew I was relaxed and had bonded with him enough to make good use of a free afternoon afterwards…

  21. b.

    May 9, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Oh…if you go you should try out the place we visited: Robert Andrew in Gambrills.

  22. Will Jones

    May 9, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    b.- I’m cracking up at “involuntary reflex”!

    OK. Irene. You’re up to five. Is it too late to give you a time limit? 😉

  23. Sherry T.

    May 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Hi Good Enough Guy,

    I can tell you that my husband would probably feel the same way. I really enjoyed the post. I would say that women have to try to fit into the man’s world sometimes. We try to watch the football and baseball games. We try to enjoy the camping the fishing and sometimes it actually is enjoyable. I would say, don’t knock it until you try it. Just try to understand from her point of view, she wants you to relate to her world too. Give it try and then let us know what you think. 🙂

  24. donnie

    May 9, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Run ,run,as fast as you can you’ll never catch me…I’m not just running for me but for you to Will and all the good enough guys out there…And remember Will it’s never to late to put a time limit on this thing…But If I know Irene she well have all her cyber friends post on this thing.so for God sake man put a time limit on it…But I love the comment about going camando. Hang in there man.And keep on keeping on for the Good enough guys ..

  25. Will Jones

    May 10, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Sherry- Ok, I’ll count you as six.

    But “…relate to her world…”?

    She loves to furniture shop, but doesn’t buy anything… so I’ve been to every furniture store with 45 minutes of my home, and that’s a lot of sectionals, Sherry, al LOT of sectionals.

    She loves to decorate cakes and cookies… So I have mixed cakes, baked cakes, decorated cakes, filled icing bags, built cake stands, rolled and cut fondant… you name it, I’ve iced it!

    She loves to have lunch with her female friends and drag me along… so I’ve heard every conversation about, stretch marks, high heels, hair products, nosey women, and every complaint about a man that can be complained. They don’t make enough beer to wash away those conversations.

    She loves to shoe shop… so I’ve spent sevev hours (SEVEN!) going from store to store to find one pair perfect black pumps, when she had four perfect pair at home.

    She loves to look at model homes… and we’ve stopped and looked at every one she’s ever seen, and I have pictures to prove it. To me, they all look exactly the same, yet I do my bestto look excited everytime she says, “Baby, you have to come and see this room!”

    She likes to just walk around the mall, which I absolutely hate. Ask me how many times I’ve gone? 🙂

  26. Irene

    May 10, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Mercy….lol…..Will looks like you won’t have to cross the spa bridge but thanks for being a good sport anyway….:-)

    That doesn’t mean there is much hope for Donnie though! He is going….just because…I put a $50 home depot card (his home away from home) on that after it is over it was his idea we go in the 1st place.

  27. Tim W

    May 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    I was 1 of those men who thought some of the reasons that were listed until 1 of the finest women on the planet invited me out. I realized that a good message has nothing to do with sex unless that is where you want to take it. A professional message is anything but erotic. It does feel good to your body but it releases all of the tension and helps repair muscle that you didn’t even know you damaged or abuse on a daily basis. I do understand the not wanting to see another man or woman for that matter handling my lady, but once you understand that a professional message has nothing to do with sex your mind set may change. But I think an individual would have to figure out for themselves if this is something they want to try, but I enjoy it. I by the way I catch hell from my friends

  28. donnie

    May 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    hey hey I claim the 5th..I have no ideal what Irene is talking about..No massage was every my ideal…And she can get all the gift cards from home depot,lowes,are any other store on the planet..I AINT GOING…I’m with you Will I’ve been down that road lets go here lets do this lets do that.when all really wanted to do is be at home watching the game and drinking a cold beer…Oh well we well see who wins this tug of war…lol…I love you Irene but not no but Hell NO…..Love you babe…

  29. Will Jones

    May 11, 2011 at 6:10 am

    LOL@ Donnie!

    “…not just no, but HELL NO… Love you, babe…”!

  30. JBMichelle

    May 11, 2011 at 7:13 am

    I feel bad for saying this since Will so eloquently explained why he didnt want to do it. I think my husband would agree with this entire list and use it as ammunition not to ever go with me again. However, I do think Will should try it, just once, if for no reason than to get material for another hilarious list. 🙂

  31. Irene

    May 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    @Donnie (((cover your ears gems and gegs…this could get ugly))))

    WHAT???? Read one article of Good enough Guy and suddenly you are liberated???? Boy I am gonna take M.E.’s advice not to force you here but I was really planning a great day for us…no kids, no work, all day…..lolololololol….Guess one of my girliefriends would rather have a day out with the moms….maybe next time Donnie…..:-)

  32. Rene Syler

    May 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    @Irene and Donnie: Oh I want an invite to dinner this Sunday.. cannot WAIT to hear dinner conversation 🙂

  33. Margit

    May 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    I go to the spa, and my husband plays a round of golf with a couple of beers. We meet up later, and we’re both relaxed and happy. We also have things to talk about over a nice dinner that night since we haven’t been together all day. This way we don’t have that awkward married couple date night dinner silence where we end up talking about the kids…we’ve all been there right? All I know is if my husband wanted me to spend the day with him on the golf course I would also say, “No thank you. I’m not interested.”

  34. Donnie

    May 11, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Whoa whoa Irene does this mean a romantic date afterwards…Sorry Will a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do…. NOT…LOL….Come on Irene,honey,Babe…I don’t understand all this about a massage…You get one almost every night …I Swear Will every night when I’m all comfortable in our bed watching T.V. or reading a good book..and here she comes all tired and just had a hard day at the office..flopping down and saying..Could you scratch may arm,oh could you massage my neck,oh could you please scratch my head..Hell babe I say save a lot of money and lets turn down the lights ,put on some soft music maybe some Marvin Gay..NO No I know some Luther Van-dross….And I well massage from your head to your Toes….lol..hahahehe…I mean come on Will you with me on this right…Come guys hope ya’ll cover me on this one..And by the way Rene you are invited anytime for dinner…….

  35. Liv

    January 7, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    IDK I’ve been to many spas and I love it but I’ve never felt it’s only geared to women. My fiend owns one and said she wished more men came because men should take care of their skin and nails… Hair and body better… Other than working out. I’ve gotten massages from men and women and never was it weird or sexual in any way. My bf was a machine gunner in the USMC and he loves the spa. He tells me he loves it because he deserves to be pampered… As well as I do. We even do weekly spa nights at home if we aren’t going to one. So I think it’s all about what you feel you deserve. Also my bf is gorgeous

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