Sometimes you can tell what kind of day it’s going to be even before you’ve slipped both feet into your fuzzy slippers. That’s how today was for me and it was B.A.D.
It started with some yokel tweeting me about “getting off my fat ass and taking care of my children” which made me wonder if he’d been around these parts at mealtime! That was compounded by a sense of dread due to a date with the dentist’s drill. Look, I have a great guy and have been seeing him for years but truth be told, I’d rather be in stirrups having my lady bits looked at than face the extensive amount of work that I was in for. And topping it all off was Cole, who had one of the four brackets come loose on his braces.
Cole mentioned he had a test today, but he did not say it was THE test, as in state-mandated, standardized testing. And because of his appointment he missed it! Yes, if I had been a good mom, (as opposed to good enough) I would have checked the fracking school calendar and had it written down, complete with 17 beeping reminders. I did not and if you’re here to judge I’m gonna tell you to keep on steppin’ as I’ve had enough of that today.
Okay, so that’s the background, but here’s the meat: The 5 things to keep in mind when your plate runneth over…
1) IT’S OKAY TO CRY UNCONTROLLABLY: When we got to the orthodontist’s office, Cole brushed the remaining bagel and bacon out of his braces and jumped up into the chair. That’s where the first kick in the gut would come. Nice Dr. S. informed me that Cole wasn’t just missing one of his brackets; oh no, ALL FOUR WERE GONE. AGAIN!
This is not the first time Houdini-in-training has wriggled out of the wires. Oh, you want to know how he does it? With nail clippers of course. When Dr. S. came out to the lobby to tell me this, all I could think was, “He must think I’m the worst mother! Who else doesn’t know what’s going on inside their kid’s mouth?” When I went to make the appointment to rebuild the six million dollar mouth, I realized I couldn’t see my calendar through my tears. Oh no, not here. Oh yes, HERE. I don’t know if it was the frustration, fatigue, the money, whatever it was, I started crying and try, as I might, couldn’t stop. Three tissues later, I had an appointment for Cole and a headache for me. It was 9:30am.
2) IT’S OKAY TO CUSS (occasionally) IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS: All you parenting experts, just chill for two seconds. I’m not talking “F” bombs in front of your toddler. But when Cole and I got in the car and I finally stopped pounding my head into the steering wheel, I turned to him and said, “DAMMIT BOY, YOU HAVE TO GET IT TOGETHER, RIGHT NOW!” It was nothing like the scene in Charleston where I was partly to blame; Oh no this was all on him. I explained (again) we were not made of money, he had to back away from the nail clippers and he had to take responsibility for his life, at least some aspects of it. I explained how a mouth full of jumbled up teeth is hard to keep clean, is a breeding ground for decay and vey definitely not a chick magnet (Yes, I used that phrase. No I am not proud of it). We rode the rest of the way to school in stony silence.
3) IT’S OKAY TO CRY UNCONTROLLABLY, PART TWO: I can’t even believe I am writing this but when we got to school an hour and a half late, I went to check Cole in at the front office. Now you know I’m friendly with those women, having sucked up to them from day one. But the withering gaze I was subjected to today, made me wonder if the donuts, coffee and other assorted bribes had actually gotten me anywhere. “Today was the state test,” they informed me in unison, like the sirens of the sea. They told me to head to the nurse’s office to check him in. What greeted me there? Two more sirens asking “couldn’t the orthodontist wait?” Good thing the box of tissue was right there on the desk.
4) IT’S OKAY TO TREAT YOURSELF: After Cole and the orthodontist and Cole and the school, it was me and the dentist. I needed to have two, old, silver fillings removed and replaced and trust me, I was looking forward to a little Novocain after the morning I had. I’m happy to report it was uneventful, except for the patch of decay he found under one of the fillings. It took all of an hour and 15 minutes, the fastest I’ve ever spent $1100 bucks. But by then, the crying, the heavy sighing and the crushing feeling told me I needed a manicure or a drink and seein’ as it was 11:30 and I was still hopped up on Novocain, I opted for the manicure. An hour later, my chewed up nails were pristine, as were my toes and I was feeling, decent. Well, minus the throbbing in my jaw.
5) YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY: I’d like to end this piece by painting a rosy picture, but I’m just gonna say, get a good night’s sleep because there’s a chance, small as it may be, that things could actually be worse tomorrow. Of course we hope not but, just sayin’…
Of course these are all tongue in cheek suggestions but seriously, what do you do to keep the train from completely jumping the tracks? How do you cope with bad days?
Share with your fellow GEMs, as we may all need your advice sometime soon!
