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Ask The Good Enough Guy: My Son Is A Heartbreaker!

 

 

Arrogant man

Dear Will,

I’m a single mom of a 19-year-old son and though he’s generally a good kid, I disapprove of the way he treats women.

Cal is handsome and fit and can be kind of arrogant when it comes to dating. He always has several women on the go at the same time, none of who know about each other by the way!

He doesn’t call girls back, sometimes doesn’t turn up for dates and even sees girls who already have boyfriends.

I worry that he’s going to get into trouble but Cal says I’m being old fashioned and that he’s young and should have fun!

My friends say it’s just a stage and that he’ll grow out of it… but what do you think Will? Are my fears justified and how can I get him to see sense?

I’d love some Good Enough Guy wisdom…

Thanks
Sheila, Massachusetts

Hey Sheila,

Do you know how many 19-year old-boys it takes to screw in a light bulb? Just one; he just has to hold the bulb and wait while the world revolves around him!

I know this because I WAS CAL!

Good Enough Guy use to be the Too-Good-For-Everyone kid! Most of us men were just like him, and most 19-year-old boys are just like him. It’s not arrogance: we really are that attractive! We’re in the best shape of our lives, our skin and hair are flawless, young girls want us because we’re suave and mature, older women want us because we’re sweet and innocent, we’ve finally finished high school, and the rest of our life looks like one long summer vacation. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!… Oh, sorry. What was I saying? Oh, yeah… your question.

As a mother, part of your job is to worry, and as a single mom, you get to do it twice as much (and he would have been just as arrogant if you weren’t a single mother; I sure was!) And as a mom, even though he’s 19, you still feel the need to be his moral compass. Well you can worry a little less and here’s why:

WHY SOME OF WHAT HE’S DOING IS RIGHT: Be glad that he’s dating lots of girls. A trap that young people fall into these days is thinking that they should always be in an exclusive relationship. At his age, he should date as many different girls as he can, as often as he can. And I mean dating in the PG-rated version; having fun, living life, learning how to act (or not act) in a relationship, learning what he does and doesn’t like in a potential girlfriend. These are all good things. (And if he’s not exactly staying PG then talk to him about being safe.)

WHY HE’S NOT ALL THAT WRONG: I may be just being a man but, while standing girls up, not calling them back, dating more than one without telling them, and dating girls who have boyfriends are bad things, they’re not all that terrible. What I mean is, these choices, good or bad, teach “LIFE LESSONS” like respect, honesty, and fidelity.  And while they will catch up with him eventually, even when they do, they probably won’t result in much more than a few broken hearts, one of which will more than likely be his own. Sooner or later he’ll meet the female version of himself and find out that Karma is a girl’s name and that she’s a real bitch (not the girl, but Karma). In the end, she cuts every “stud” back down to size (yes, including yours truly). When it happens to him, you’ll want to say, “I told you so”, but you’ll probably just hug him, and be angry that some tramp had the nerve to treat your baby that way. That’s why we boys love our mommies!

WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW: Probably not a whole lot. You might say all the right things but sadly, most sons stop listening to their parents right around seventeen and don’t really hear them again until they need help raising their own children. Understand that he’ll make some mistakes, but at nineteen, most of them are his to make; you can’t save him from them. Trust that you’ve raised him well and you’ve given him your best. Now, give him your help when he asks for it, your advice when you think he’s listening, and your prayers when you know he isn’t. Other than that, give him some space so that he can become his own man. It won’t be easy, but try stepping back and seeing what a good job you’ve done as a mother. Good luck, and I hope I helped.

William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.

12 Comments

  1. keith

    April 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

    I agree with just about everything here, in particular the last paragraph. I was not a ladies man at all, but the attitude that is referenced here is a prevailing quality amongst us teenage adult men. We eventually outgrow it

  2. Rene Syler

    April 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

    @Keith: ” We eventually outgrow it” Thank GOD, LOL

  3. dave

    April 2, 2011 at 11:52 am

    LEAVE HEARTBREAKERS ALONE!!!!! KIDDING!

    In all seriousness, this problem goes beyond a horny 19-year old kid. Society celebrates this “boys will be boys” behavior. And we don’t always outgrow it. Hell, if a guy isn’t screwing multiple women simultaneously, some people think he’s gay or weird.

    And women aren’t doing themselves any favors. It’s commin knowledge that MOST women like bad boys. Looj at the legions of women who supported Chris Brown after his “incident.” Guys who are respectful, honest, speak well and are on the right side of the law often finish last.

  4. dave

    April 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

    And another thing: I refuse to believe all these women this “heartbreaker” is juggling don’t know about his behavior or reputation. Why should this guy respect women when they obviously don’t respect themselves?

  5. Will Jones

    April 2, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Keith- Right! “Stud muffin” is just a phase for most of us and we’re smart enough to know when to let it go or some man eater humbles it out of us. Those that try to retain the title past the age of 22 are usually re-labeled “cocky jerk”. Luckily, very few make it all the way to “Charlie Sheen”.

    Dave- Take it easy! LOL. This kid is dating a few girls and not calling once in a while. He’s not screwing half of the high school or beating Rihanna on some dark street corner. Cal and his mother can’t be blamed for the ills of society any more than you or I, nor can they fix them. If humanity wants to be fixed, it needs to start fix itself; moms have enough to worry about.
    MOST men outgrow this phase. There will be a few sad straggling bottom feeders that pray on week-minded women in dark bars and single’s clubs, but luckily, smart moms are also teaching their daughters not to be week-minded women, and to stay out of dark bars and single’s clubs.

  6. Irene

    April 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Sorry but I love some of Dave’s comments…they are so Guyish!

    I think kids should not date exclusively until they are older. There are too many fish in the sea…and being young, meeting people, socializing should be what it is…being young…alot of times I take a deep breath with my group and when they walk out the door I hope some of the good I have shown them shines through (and the bad just takes a backseat.) lol

    Great article G.E.G….

  7. m.e. johnson

    April 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    I had a chuckle at Mom’s ‘problem’. My son had so many girls coming over/calling that I called them all “Hon”. If he’s hooking up, I hope he has heard “the talk”, otherwise her bigger problem might be very small, say… 7 pounds, 6 ounces. Will, of course I loved your answer.

  8. Will Jones

    April 3, 2011 at 7:32 am

    IRENE- We all love DAVE. He keeps us on our toes! And I totally agree with the dating and just being young part, even though I think that my kids being young has worried me old!
    Thanks for the great comment, and compliment.

    NM.E.- I love the “Hon” thing!!!
    I brought a girl home once and my mom called her two other names, and then stopped, looked closer at her, and said “Wait… you’re new!” I’m still not sure if she did it on purpose.

  9. Joss

    April 4, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Will. hahahaha ‘wait you’re new” I need to remember that in 18 years so I can use that on my boy. And, I’m pretty sure your mom did that on purpose.

  10. Will Jones

    April 5, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Joss- Don’t do that to your son! That girl could have been the love of my life… what ever her name was… 😉

    And I think your right about my mom. That was just one of many tricks she pulled. But she’ll get hers. Wait ’til my book is published!

  11. m.e. johnson

    April 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    LOL Will. A tell-all book? Really? But you were (are) a nice guy. What’s to tell?

  12. Will Jones

    April 9, 2011 at 9:23 am

    M.E. -If I ever do write a book, you’ll be AMAZED at the kind of guy I’ve been at different times in my life.

    Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from making bad decisions.

    I didn’t write it, but I sure lived it!

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