I’ve been married for 5 years now and we have a lovely 4-year-old boy.
This may sound strange and probably a lot of women will not understand but sometimes my husband drives me crazy because he is TOO CARING AND LOVING!
I love my husband very much but sometimes he is too perfect and it makes me feel pretty bad trying to reach to his high standards!
I know I am a good mom but John is always one step ahead of me, and he doesn’t do things because he feels that he is better than me, he just loves helping me with the house chores, with the kid’s homework, he is always positive and full of life. It may sound strange but sometimes I wish he could come home and just be more like the “average dad”.
I don’t even know how to approach him and tell him to stop or change. I just want him to relax sometimes, leave the dirty dishes on the sink, watch lots of TV after coming home from work.
I feel disconnected and hurt.
It almost sounds like you’re asking me how to make John a worse husband, a less concerned father, and a lazier man. In the wacky event that this IS what you were actually trying to say, this will be the simplest advice I will ever have to give:
Divorce him. Once that’s done, walk into any sleazy bar or club in America, and take home the first guy you see slumped over a beer mug. I can almost promise that he won’t care about you at all, he’ll care even less about your kid, and the only time he’ll lift a finger around the house will be to point toward the kitchen, when he tells you to fetch him another beer, you lucky woman you. (No need to thank me.)
…And don’t worry about John. At last count, there were more than forty-five million women between 18 and 80, looking for a husband as good as he is (and that’s just in the United States.) There’ll be fistfights in the streets to see who gets to take him home. He’s caring, considerate, hard working, takes care of the house, loves his son, and keeps a positive attitude… hell, if it weren’t for these pesky same-sex laws, I’D MARRY HIM.
Hopefully by now you know I’m joking about all of this, so here’s the real answer. It’s pretty easy to see what the real problem is, and it ain’t John. Here’s what’s wrong, and how you might fix it:
This is not a competition… When Good Enough Mother says “no competitive parenting”, she means spouses too. Trying to be the “fun dad” or the “coolest mom”, or any other sport that sets you above your husband or wife is a mistake. John will be better than you at things, maybe lots of things, but so what? All you have to be is the best mom you can be while he’s being the best dad. He may be close to perfect, but I’m willing to bet that he sucks at giving birth to a child (and if not, than he really IS one hell of a man.)
Be proud of your pick… Remember back in grade school, when you got to pick teams for a kickball. You tried to pick the best players, right? You didn’t care if the person was better than you, because what you really wanted was to win the game. Well it sounds like you picked a really great teammate to spend your life with, raise your children with, and live happily ever after with. He loves you. You love him. You both love your son. In horse races, they call that hitting the trifecta.
Be Proud of Yourself… You landed a great catch. And it wasn’t an accident. If John is half as great as you say he is, then he probably had plenty of options. So why did he pick you? Why has he stuck around for five years? Why is his attitude so positive? Simple: he’s in love. He found a woman that makes him want to clean her house, cook her meals, take care of her children, and live his real life instead of watching someone else’s on TV … in short, he probably thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world, and he wants to do what ever it takes to keep things going the way they are. So… let him.
If none of this works, then start cooking huge meals late at night. That should fatten John up and make him good and lazy. Then convince him that he’s sexiest when he’s in his boxers, with his feet on the coffee table, and he’s sucking down a bottle of Yuengling. A word of warning though: that street only runs one way (trust me; I know).
Best of luck to you and John. I’m betting you’ll be just fine. I hope I helped.
William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.