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Ask The Good Enough Guy: My Husband Is TOO Perfect!

happy-family

 

Hi Will,

I’ve been married for 5 years now and we have a lovely 4-year-old boy.

This may sound strange and probably a lot of women will not understand but sometimes my husband drives me crazy because he is TOO CARING AND LOVING!

I love my husband very much but sometimes he is too perfect and it makes me feel pretty bad trying to reach to his high standards!

I know I am a good mom but John is always one step ahead of me, and he doesn’t do things because he feels that he is better than me, he just loves helping me with the house chores, with the kid’s homework, he is always positive and full of life. It may sound strange but sometimes I wish he could come home and just be more like the “average dad”.

I don’t even know how to approach him and tell him to stop or change. I just want him to relax sometimes, leave the dirty dishes on the sink, watch lots of TV after coming home from work.

I feel disconnected and hurt.

Please help!!

Joan, Texas

Joan,

It almost sounds like you’re asking me how to make John a worse husband, a less concerned father, and a lazier man. In the wacky event that this IS what you were actually trying to say, this will be the simplest advice I will ever have to give:

Divorce him. Once that’s done, walk into any sleazy bar or club in America, and take home the first guy you see slumped over a beer mug. I can almost promise that he won’t care about you at all, he’ll care even less about your kid, and the only time he’ll lift a finger around the house will be to point toward the kitchen, when he tells you to fetch him another beer, you lucky woman you. (No need to thank me.)

…And don’t worry about John. At last count, there were more than forty-five million women between 18 and 80, looking for a husband as good as he is (and that’s just in the United States.) There’ll be fistfights in the streets to see who gets to take him home. He’s caring, considerate, hard working, takes care of the house, loves his son, and keeps a positive attitude… hell, if it weren’t for these pesky same-sex laws, I’D MARRY HIM.

Hopefully by now you know I’m joking about all of this, so here’s the real answer. It’s pretty easy to see what the real problem is, and it ain’t John. Here’s what’s wrong, and how you might fix it:

This is not a competition… When Good Enough Mother says “no competitive parenting”, she means spouses too. Trying to be the “fun dad” or the “coolest mom”, or any other sport that sets you above your husband or wife is a mistake. John will be better than you at things, maybe lots of things, but so what? All you have to be is the best mom you can be while he’s being the best dad. He may be close to perfect, but I’m willing to bet that he sucks at giving birth to a child (and if not, than he really IS one hell of a man.)

Be proud of your pick… Remember back in grade school, when you got to pick teams for a kickball. You tried to pick the best players, right? You didn’t care if the person was better than you, because what you really wanted was to win the game. Well it sounds like you picked a really great teammate to spend your life with, raise your children with, and live happily ever after with. He loves you. You love him. You both love your son.  In horse races, they call that hitting the trifecta.

Be Proud of Yourself… You landed a great catch. And it wasn’t an accident. If John is half as great as you say he is, then he probably had plenty of options. So why did he pick you? Why has he stuck around for five years? Why is his attitude so positive? Simple: he’s in love. He found a woman that makes him want to clean her house, cook her meals, take care of her children, and live his real life instead of watching someone else’s on TV  … in short, he probably thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world, and he wants to do what ever it takes to keep things going the way they are. So… let him.

If none of this works, then start cooking huge meals late at night. That should fatten John up and make him good and lazy. Then convince him that he’s sexiest when he’s in his boxers, with his feet on the coffee table, and he’s sucking down a bottle of Yuengling. A word of warning though: that street only runs one way (trust me; I know).

Best of luck to you and John. I’m betting you’ll be just fine. I hope I helped.

Will

Will Jones

William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.

 

14 Comments

  1. Faun Reese

    April 23, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Sounds like you’re just looking for something to complain about because if something WAS wrong with him, maybe you’d feel better or perhaps like you’d have more in common with your girlfriends or with the average woman. Be thankful and blessed that you have the wonderful man that you have and cherish him for who he is because for one, a lot of women out there do not even have a husband and long for one, some women who do have a husband are in relationships with some who are abusive, self absorbed, lazy, trifling, and never help around the house, and other women have lost the lost of their lives and would probably give their right arm to have just one more day with that loved one.

  2. Will Jones

    April 23, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Get her, Faun! LOL. You’re exactly right!

  3. keith

    April 23, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Allow me to be the first to send my condolences for your marrying a good man…seriously, Im not trying to discount your feelings and concerns but…

    …stupidest.submission.ever.

  4. keith

    April 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Looking back, I re read it and thought it may be too harsh. Then I re read your description of this man. Then I thought of all my female friends that would kill for a portion of what you have. Those same friends that will burst into tears saying “Keith, Why cant I have what you have and your wife have” or “Why cant I have anyone at all.”

    My original response wasnt as harsh as I thought.

  5. Will Jones

    April 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Keith-There are some women that you could carry out of a burning building and they’d complain that it was cold outside. 😉

  6. m.e. johnson

    April 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Will, you’ve done it again! Right on! Faun, your 2 cents was on the money also.
    Joan, be careful what you wish for. I can guarantee that if you get it you will be sorry in more ways than one. As I said to the man who recently wrote GEM about his perfect wife: You are the recipient of all that golden goodness… enjoy it.

    I lost my dear husband to Vietnam. Even now I would give anything to have him with me just one more day.

    I had a male roommate once, he was perfect too. I cried when he moved.

  7. Irene

    April 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    We humans always try to sabotage our own happiness sometimes….

    I think though Will, you only scratched the surface…no relationship in this world is all Hunky-dora-dorry and no one person is all that purrfect….may I be so bold Ms Joan as to suggest you watch the Dr Laura Berman tv show or radio show…”In the Bedroom” (OWN network) there is more to this letter than meets the eye..

    Happy Easter to all the Good Enough crowd!

  8. Nel

    April 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Dear Joan,

    This so funny, I had the same problem when I married my husband, he was like angel fallen from heaven, he was just PERFECT, he was never tired after work to help w/our son, w/dinner, to gave me a back message when I got back from work, to wake up in the middle of night to wacth over our son, or for prepare breakfast every day just to be even more nice w/me and let me sleep 15 more minutes.
    Know listen…!
    I’ve been married for 18 years and this history has chaged,,,what??? Yeah, unfortunately he is not the same guy anymore, he still caring about myself and our son but believe me, things has dratically changed, so be carefull for what you are whishing today and enjoy it while it last, you has found a nice man who care TODAY about his family and he is happy doing so; so just love him as he deserve it and be happy.
    Good Luck!

  9. Cara

    April 23, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    It seems that everyone overlooked the rather possibility that Joan’s issue is rooted in lower-than-ideal self esteem. Her letter strongly suggests that she feels inferior and/or undeserving of being in a partnership with a man with all the qualities of her husband. While that’s something people have to work on in themselves, I think it’s perfectly appropriate to ask her husband to understand her feelings and to see if they can approach a compromise that allows her to feel more positive about herself. Maybe something simple like deciding to leave dishes in the sink or toys on the floor one night a week so they can watch a TV show. Or set a shared schedule for household duties so they each have responsibilities but also free time to relax on their own or with the family.

    No one likes to feel inferior or inadequate in any relationship – personal or professional. I’m not placing any blame on the husband at all, but to argue that Joan is just ungrateful rather than potentially dealing with something deeper just seems a bit short-sighted.

  10. m.e. johnson

    April 23, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Thank you, Irene. Happy Easter to you too.

  11. Rene Syler

    April 23, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    @Cara: Great points, thanks!

  12. Will Jones

    April 23, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    Wow! Great feedback, everyone.

    Keith- From a man’s point of view, it’s hard to see what she’s complaining about. If our wives were perfect, we’d be dancing in the streets! (I mean if they were MORE prefect than they already are. lol.)

    M.E.- I always love to hear your responses. They keep my wheels spinning. Thanks for the compliment.

    Irene- I agree that I only scratched the surface, but hopefully I’ll be able to get a little deeper when they give Rene a talk show (if she keeps me until then). 🙂

    Nel- Great answer! Most perfect things don’t last forever. One day, she may look back and wish she could have things the way they were.

    Cara- Good read on the self-esteem thing. That’s what the “Be proud of yourself” part was about. My answers tend to be a bit one-sided, so I’m always glad when a woman catches me thinking only about the man’s side of things. It’s hard for me to tell a woman to tell a man to be less of a man so she feels like more of a woman. If that makes any sense, then please explain it to me when you get a chance.

    Thanks again, everyone. I guess there were more layers to this question than I thought. I really hope Joan reads this: it could be a big help to her.

  13. jj

    July 23, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    dude, you’re just another run-of-the-mill, dime a dozen jerk. you also don’t seem to realize that you highlight how many men are not worth jack, while many nice women are out there “looking” for mr. good guy. if you admit that, you’re admitting that men aren’t really worth a damn, and i tend to agree! anywho, don’t quit your day job!

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