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Can Facebook Cause Divorce?

How about you try this one on for size. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says that two thirds of divorce attorneys cite Facebook as evidence in the bust up of marriages. You may recall the story of the New Jersey minister who called Facebook “a portal to infidelity” and told his church leaders to shut it down or resign their positions after a number of married people in his congregation hit relationship speed bumps. Of course he lost the moral high ground when it was later discovered he had a threesome with his wife and a male church assistant.

But that sordid tale aside, this raises an interesting question. Can Facebook cause divorce? That’s not exactly what the matrimonial lawyers are saying; they merely cite it as evidence in the proceedings. I suppose married people could meet their paramours in other social settings, friend one another on Facebook and go from there. But I’m sure there are also those who look up high school sweethearts or old flames, perhaps first out of curiosity that grows into something more.

But DAMMIT, How about a little personal responsibility here? I doubt that Facebook CAUSES divorce. Facebook may make it easier to find the old hunk or prom queen but you were the one who hit “confirm friendship.” Maybe you sent the direct message,  “Hey, I’ll be back to the old neighborhood for business. How about we meet for a drink and catch up?” You may have been the one who logged on to spend time with your cyber-romance instead of nurturing the one sitting across from the dinner table from you.  The point is the desire was present long before you ever logged on.(Of course I’m speaking in the collective sense).

That’s my take from the corner of the closet. What about you? Do you think Facebook can be blamed for the implosion of marriages? If so why and how can it be avoided?

Let’s hear it, let ‘er rip!

 

 

16 Comments

  1. Deon Smith

    March 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Whatever happened to personal accountability? Social devices dont cause the dissolution of marriages. Its always in some capacity someone’s failure to communicate and BE HONEST which have ALWAYS been the foundation to any relationship. And remember, if someone is going to cheat, THEY ARE GOING TO CHEAT, regardless. Proper judgement needs to exercised here rather than make excuses and make a COP-OUT……

  2. Cody Williams

    March 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Ridiculous assumption. People bring to Facebook drama that already exist in their life without a facebook.

    That’s like asking, “Does having a telephone bust up marriages?”

    Or the Greyhound Bus?

    I have one friend who keeps drama going on Facebook. She does that in real life too. She did it long before there was a Facebook.

    I’ve never needed the internet to find romance. That’s not why I’m online. If I get an inkling that that is what someone is looking for from me I regulate them to the stupid category.

  3. M. Dixon

    March 9, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    I wouldn’t put it off on FB. There should be a fundamental commitment to the marriage. FB is one of many diversions that can be controlled. Time spent on FB can be turned into time spent with the spouse if one is committed to making deposits into the other’s emotional bank. If it’s hard to give up FB to be one on one with the spouse / family, love’s definition has little substance.

  4. M.E. Johnson

    March 9, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    I would say it’s not the CAUSE per se, unless a spouse is so dense (s)he has missed all the cues denoting problems. (In which case what made him/her do a fb search? Dense is really denial?)
    I also think that – most often – when a spouse leaves clues (fb/phone msgs, lipstick on collar, hickey, etc.) (s)he is hoping to be found out and gotten rid of.

  5. Cody Williams

    March 9, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    I sure wish I could post here.

  6. Roger Christian

    March 9, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Absolutely YES…! Just wrote about it…!

    “In a ‘Relationship’ – 101”…Blog.
    http://truth459.blogspot.com/2011/03/in-relationship-101blog.html

    Thanks, In Christ, Roger.

  7. nordea

    March 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    to say that facebook causes divorce is just silly! if the love is there, and both people in the relationship are committed, then NOTHING can bust it up….not facebook, not the hot UPS delivery guy, not the hot neighbor down the street….etc.

  8. Jacki Marie

    March 9, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Cause? I don’t think so. But it does provide an easy mode for someone already considering it. I agree, Rene, the desire has to already be there, but FB can definitely provide opportunity.

  9. Rene Syler

    March 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    @nordea, I TOTALLY agree! If the relationship is strong and seamless there is no room for another, social media or otherwise.

  10. Rene Syler

    March 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    @Roger: I respectfully disagree. I think Facebook may provide an opportunity but only after the desire is there. Thanks for chiming in

  11. Irene

    March 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Oh, please now let’s blame the technological revolution…geezie weezie… It takes 2 to make a relationship and it takes 2 to stay in one…Our problem with relationships I think stems from our own selfishness at times…relationships take work and blaming a social network is just another route for divorce lawyers to help couples fight over the debts in this day and age….

    Sorry but this is happy horseshit as one of my friends says.

  12. Rene Syler

    March 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    @Irene AGREED. Relationships take work. You’d never know that by looking at what the picture presented in Hollywood. I think people need to remember, there’s good, there’s bad and a whole lot of in between. Stick with it. Bad times won’t last forever.. Thanks!

  13. Michael

    March 9, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    It amazes me how people will blame technology for relationship breakups or their emotional and psychological issues. People are always 100 percent responsible for their choices and actions and therefore Facebook can not be blamed for breaking up marriages.

    The sad part is that we have all of this amazing technology yet so many people feel alone and separated. We must be willing to address our emotional issues first before we attempt to develop relationships in the digital virtual world.

    It isn’t until we take complete responsibility for our actions that we can ever expect to create relationships that cannot be influenced by external forces like FaceBook or people outside of the relationship.

  14. Pam R

    March 10, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I think we can all agree that this “causing divorces” is a big ton of crap!! Come on! I was having a conversation with someone recently about this very thing. I mean we all make a choice to log on and do what we do. These people need to get real. I’m so sick of people over analyzing things these days. Everything and everyone is under a microscope. People need to be responsible for what they do.

  15. Gayle Mahoney

    March 10, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    The only thing that can “cause” divorce is a decision of one or both partners that it is no longer beneficial to be married. What letter writing was in Victorian days, Facebook may be today. You can’t blame the vehichle of communication (whatever it is) for the failure of a marriage.

  16. Peppercorn16

    March 12, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Anything is possible and there are those out there that will divorce over the smallest that makes no sense things that I’m sure the lawyers and judges have shake their heads about
    But I’ve never heard of anyone ending their marriage of facebook. If there is a such thing then that person or person never wanted to be married it the first place.

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