I recently got a little drunk at a friend’s house party and made out with this guy, Pete, from my school.
Pete’s really not my type and I’m totally embarrassed that I kissed him in front of everyone as they all think we’re an item now.
Ever since the party he’s been hassling me and wants to go steady. I don’t want to be mean but he’s not getting the message. He’s really dumb and I find myself insulting him in front of my school friends to get him to go away – and then I feel bad afterwards.
How do I tell Pete I’m not interested?
Tracey, North Carolina
Tracey, Tracey, Tracey,
Okay there are a couple of big lessons to be learned from the place you now find yourself in and I’m telling you now, take these to heart because you will use them again.
LESSON 1, MAKE GOOD DECISIONS: Look at this as the foundation for this problem with Pete. I’m not your mother so I’m not going to lecture you (and truth be told, Good Enough Mother had a drink, but was never drunk, before she was 21) but you can trace this all back to when you first got drunk.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions; it’s why in small doses it loosens you up a bit. When I was younger and less sure of myself, I would have a glass of wine if I were in a social setting where I didn’t know anyone. But there’s a difference between lowering inhibition and getting fall-on-your-face, sloppy drunk. Drinking to get drunk is just stupid; you think you look cute and the things you are saying are witty enough to fill a book. The reality is your mascara is smeared, you’re talking too closely and spitting on people, your breath is bad but you don’t know it and the stuff you are saying only makes sense to those as inebriated as you are. And then, you end up pulling what you did with Pete, or worse, thinking you are sober enough to drive home.
I’m not dumb enough to think you’ll never drink again, what you SHOULD do is stop until you’re 21 and even then, learn how to consume responsibly. But if you need a strategy for right now, try this; pour your own drink, say cranberry juice with Sprite and HANG ON TO IT! Don’t put it down because you don’t want anyone pouring something into it. One more thing along the lines of good judgment, rethink the people you hang with and the places you go. If you’re at a party that gets busted and there is drinking involved, even if you were not drinking you’ll be guilty by association. Think long and hard about that.
LESSON 2: BE HONEST: Okay, think of this as the price you are going to pay for using poor judgment in the first place. This is not a bad thing; honesty truly is the best policy. The thing with guys is they prefer straightforward conversation and aren’t the best at picking up clues and innuendo. What that means for you is a few uncomfortable moments as you come clean with Pete. It’s like a wound where it’s better to take a deep breath, grip the Band-Aid, count to three and just rip rather than slowly ease it off. Yeah it will hurt, you may even see stars, but once it’s done, it’s done. So, you are going to have a face-to-face talk with Pete; this will not be done via text or phone call. You will tell Pete that you’re sorry for hurting him but that you made a mistake making out with him that night and you’re not interested in going steady. You can ask if he wants to be friends but don’t be surprised if he passes on that.
LESSON 3: GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE: Even though you say Pete’s not your type, he might surprise you. He could be a very nice guy who really digs you. What if you and Pete started by just hanging out a bit? Maybe you become friends, catch a movie, share a meal; you never know what might happen. I’m going to drop another real-life nugget on you. The guys who I thought were my type, you know, tall, muscular, gorgeous? Well, the more I got to know them, the more I realized how shallow they were! My theory is that when you have God-given good looks and a great physique, you don’t have to work at anything else, like developing a personality. But the people who have to work hard at getting others to give them a second look have more depth and are much more fun to be around.
Okay, there you go Tracey. No more snide comments or insults aimed at Pete. Be straight with him and honest with yourself; you’ll feel better for it. I hope you take all these things to heart, especially the drinking. Good luck honey and thanks for trusting me to give you an answer!
If you have a question and you want an answer from a mom, just not YOUR mom, shoot us a line here at GEM!