It’s time for another new feature here at Good Enough Mother and this one is a whole heap of fun.
Remember Will Jones? He wrote a Guest Posting for us a few weeks back called Daddy-ing For Dummies – and now he’s back in a new strand we’re calling ‘Ask The Good Enough Guy’.
We know that a lot of our readers are women – and many of you are moms (though not all). But the Good Enough philosophy isn’t just restricted to the fairer sex – we have a lot of guy fans too. And we thought it was time to hear from a few more of the men out there.
So here’s the deal. Every two weeks Will be writing a column for us where he’ll answer questions from all you ladies out there from a guy’s point of view. Your questions can be detailed (like our Ask Rene’s) or just a couple of sentences. But one thing’s for sure – Will certainly won’t mince his words…
So here we go with our first few questions… and if you have anything to ask Will just shoot us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org – marking your email ‘Good Enough Guy’.
Take it away Will…
What turns you on? Aside from physical traits, what makes you desire a woman? And what turns you off?
Men want an INNOCENT/FREAK. We either want a woman who oozes sexuality from every pore and gives the impression that she’s capable of doing things to a man that are against several laws, including the laws of gravity – or we want the Sunday school teacher who’s saving herself, thinks kissing is a sin and can’t even say the word sex without blushing. The funny thing is, most of us can’t make up our minds as to which one is sexier! And it’s always been this way! Remember Gilligan’s Island? Ask ten guys if they’d rather be shipwrecked with Mary Ann or Ginger; it’s usually an even split. And what about Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie? Jenifer is beautiful and as sweet as grandma’s Kool-Aid but could never really pull off sexy. Then there’s Angelina, so sexy that there should be a commandment again her and couldn’t look innocent if you dressed her like a nun. I bet Brad Pitt still isn’t sure if he made the right call.
The “freak” is confident, powerful, hunting. She knows every man wants her, but the look in her eye says that she wants to do some things, some oh-so-naughty things, to just one very lucky guy. We, as men, really, REALLY want to be that guy! On the other hand, the “innocent” looks as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s never done anything like this, and she knows it’s wrong, but no man has ever touched her this way, and she just can’t stop; she gives in and lets those oh-so-naughty things be done to her. Can you blame a guy for not being able to choose just one?
Turn off’s? Hairy legs (and I could write a whole paragraph on why; instead, I’ll just say “that’s nasty!”)
What is the big deal with crying in front of people? Why can’t men open up and let themselves go when they’re really upset? Why do you have to hold it all in?
“You’re not hurt!”
“Stop crying like a baby!”
“You’re too old cry every time you get upset!”
“Big boys don’t cry!”
Almost every little boy has heard these and many grew into dads who have said them to their own sons (I’ve made this mistake myself). You don’t mean to, but your boy falls off of his tricycle, comes up crying, and it’s out of you mouth before you know you’ve said it. And, ladies, if you think hearing it all those years ago won’t make a difference to a grown man, ask yourself this; do you still look both ways before you cross a street? Do you still hear your mom or dad’s voice when you do things they warned you not to do? How many things can you remember being told as a kid that you’ll NEVER forget? That stuff really does stick, doesn’t it?
Men get a double dose, nature and nurture. Men are protective by nature and we feel a need to be looked at as such. We want to be seen as strong and steady, able to deal with any situation that might threaten those we’re “protecting”, be they wives, children, siblings, etc. We view crying as a sign of weakness, a chink in our armor. How can we keep others from being hurt by something if we let that thing make us cry? So we hold it in. We push it down. We bury it under other things. We turn it into a different emotion. I personally try to use laughter before I get to anger. Trust me, on a scale of one to ten with ten being me crying, if I’m not laughing by eight, I’m swinging by nine. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it’s the truth
What are guys afraid of? Sometimes it can seem so hard to figure out what a guy is thinking… what keeps men awake at night – both the big stuff and the silly things?
What keeps men awake? Usually a woman who keeps asking, “What’s wrong?”
Seriously though, like I said before, men are protectors and providers. It’s just who we are. If we have a wife and kids, we worry about keeping a roof over their heads and making sure they have food in their bellies, among other things. So in our heads the running dialogue sounds something like this:
“Man, I hope my job doesn’t get downsized…”
“Did I just hear a noise outside?”
“My daughter’s gonna need braces; That’s gonna cost me.”
“Was that the furnace? That thing better not be acting up”
“Did I stop for gas on the way home?”
“The wife was coughing at dinner. Is she feverish?”
“I gotta stop eating so much at dinner. I’m putting on weight”
“I wonder if she thinks I’m fat.”
“I bet she thinks I’m getting fat and getting old”
“I hope I’m not getting sick, I can’t afford to miss work.”
“Man, I hope my job doesn’t get downsized”
And it just keeps going on that way until you ask him what’s wrong and he says “Oh, nothing.”
See, the question isn’t really WHAT men worry about; we worry about the same things women worry about. The real question is “HOW do men worry?” And the answer is “ALONE!” When we have a problem, it’s our problem. We don’t want to discuss it. We don’t want to share it. We want to solve it, by ourselves. We’ll think it over while we’re washing the car or cutting the grass. We’ll appear to be watching television, reading a magazine, even talking to you but we aren’t really there; we’re somewhere fighting with the problem. If you really want to help, give us space. If you keep asking what’s wrong, eventually we’ll say the wrong thing or say nothing at all. Either way, you’ll get angry and then we’ll have two problems.
William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few, spare moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.