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Ask The Good Enough Guy: The Steve Harvey Situation!

 

Hey Will…

Someone just sent me a link to view Steve Harvey’s ex-wife’s online commentary about her marriage to Steve. I’ve been upset since viewing it and I don’t know why. According to the ex-wife, Steve was unfaithful for 15 years while married so my question is:

Should we accept infidelity in our marriages?

Steve Harvey has become a best selling author on the subject of assisting women in their plight to attract and marry a man but now, I find his platform totally destructive and dishonest. If Steve was unfaithful, do you think he should disclose this fact to his million of female listeners?

Thank you for your honesty…I’ll eagerly await your reply!!!

xox


Hey there – thanks for your question!

While I haven’t read Mr. Harvey’s books, I do listen to him regularly on his morning show. I like how he starts by thanking the Lord for what he’s been given and who he’s turning into. I’ve listened to him for quite a while… and I’ve never heard him try to pass himself off as a perfect man. Instead, he simply says that knows a whole lot about men, and I can see how he would; he’s been one for a long time.

Has he made mistakes? I have no doubt that he has. Did he hurt his ex-wife? Probably, being that she’s now an EX-WIFE. Does that mean that he knows nothing about men or relationships? In my opinion, quite the contrary.

I have an ex-wife too (not because of infidelity, but because, by the end, we both wanted to kill each other). We were married far too young and it was a disaster, but it taught me more about marriage than any book I could have ever read. Because of that two-year mistake, I knew what NOT to do in my second marriage, which has lasted almost 18 years so far. And now, if I see someone going down that path that I walked, I try to tell them to turn around and RUN in the other direction. However, if I warn someone, and they say, “Who is HE to give advice? He’s been divorced before,” then it is their choice not to listen.

And that’s the choice that you have to make for yourself. I’m sure if you called Mr. Harvey on his show, and asked, “Should I accept infidelity in my marriage?” he’d tell you no. I’m sure that, in his book, he doesn’t advise women to put up with cheating husbands, possibly because he’s seen the kind of effect it will have on those women down the line. Maybe he has learned, first hand, how it feels to be a cheater, and/or how it feels to be cheated on. And maybe, he’s trying to pass this knowledge on to future generations, so that they don’t have to make the same foolish mistakes he’s made. As I said, these are all possibilities… I don’t know him and only he and his ex-wife actually know what the situation was.

Whether or not you should accept infidelity, drinking, gambling, abuse, snoring, cursing, whining, bad dancing, or anything else in a marriage is ultimately up to the married couple. I personally don’t cheat, I wouldn’t accept it, and I don’t expect my wife to. But I have made my share of other mistakes, just like every other imperfect man and woman on the planet… including all those imperfect folks who write all of those imperfect books and give all of that imperfect advice. Even the bible wasn’t written by perfect people… although I hear it had one heck of an editor.

So my advice is not to take anyone’s advice as if it’s gospel… unless it’s the gospel. Read the books you think will help, use the ideas that you think are useful, and accept only the things that you find acceptable. That way, although you’ll have no one to blame for your mistakes, you can take all of the credit when you succeed.

Good luck and I hope I helped!

Will aka The Good Enough Guy

BTW Steve has now replied to his ex-wife’s allegations… take a listen!

And if you want a MALE perspective to whatever’s on your mind – just click here and fire away!

William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few, spare moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.

10 Comments

  1. Mia

    January 26, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    No one but the two of them knows what went on in that marriage, but most of us can figure out that if she got nothing from a 15 year marriage she got a raw deal. Especially since she was using his lawyer. It seems to me he took advantage of her naivete.

    Holly Pete said it best yesterday on The Talk that is sad when a person feels so disenfranchised that she feels she has no option but to vent on YouTube.

  2. David C Freeman

    January 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    I don’t know that it’s just about cheating for me. It’s also about the way one treats their ex wives. And while I appreciate giving someone the benefit of the doubt, most adult ex wives I’ve met, who have been wel treated in their divorce do not go out making claims about their public ex who is essentially “their gravy train” for as long as they’re on alimony.
    And I’m all for it if the man learned from his behavior and is better because of these lessons. But I find it a bit disingenuous to hold yourself up as an expert and NOT illustrate the mistakes you’ve made or learned from. What would be a better example than that?
    It seems to me that either he believed he had to keep this in in order to hold himself up as morally upright or worthy of dispensing advice to others. I’m not in his head, I don’t know. But I do feel that when we shine a light on our darkness, and do so in the light, it humanizes us and also makes ME trust you a whole lot more because you had the courage to tell the truth. If you hold yourself up as a public figure and expect people to heed youradvice, you better come clean on your own mistakes and triumphs both. The few times I’ve listened, I’ve heard use an occasional example from his past or observations on other’s relationships. I’m sorry, if you’re going to use anyone else as an example, you use yourself first.
    I know people cheat every day. And I’ve looked at other women with “lust in my heart”. But I’d never cheat because the wife and I have built something I don’t want to lose. And I understand some people have unhappy experiences. So the answer is to stick around for 15 years and cheat? This is not a strong man I look up to. This is a selfish man who did not think of the shelf life that women have in our society, (and possibly half his money which she claims, he claims she had nothing to do with. As a married person, that sounds fishy too.) If not married by 40 it’s tough for most women to find a good husband, at least by statistics. And don’t you owe it to your wife to try and repair the relationship or move on instead of cheating, if you can’t work it out? I just think we should have heard his side of the story before his wife came out with hers, especially because this is how he chooses to make his living in part.
    But the author is correct that its an “to each his own” situation. You don’t like it? Don’t listen. I find him entertaining, so I listen for the entertainment, not the advice.

  3. DawnKA

    January 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Wow! I too watched the video and felt for the ex wife. It hurts to lose someone whom you have invested your love, commitment, being the cheerleader of his team, sharing dreams, goals, building a family, etc. only to see them soar off into their own world – that hurts bad. However, Steve Harvey is still capable of giving the insights of what works in a relationship from his perspective. If he was a cheater listen closely, there may be some valuable info. there. Agreeing with Will – take what you find to be helpful for you. Leave the details of either parties out of your life. If you were to sit one on one with him you would most likely be moved by his side – and the same with her.

  4. M.E. Johnson

    January 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    For the most part I agree, Will; each case is different. But there are other things to consider like is the cheating with one person or many, which may introduce the probability of STDs. What about pregnancy? Will the husband end up having to pay child support? On the other side you have “Mama’s baby, Papa’s maybe”?

    As far as Steve goes, I like his humor okay, but he’s been mouthing off his way for years. It’s still a free-speech nation, so if she wants to tell her side, so be it. He can refute, deny, admit or ignore, so be it.

  5. Will Jones

    January 26, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    I really tried not to take sides, but a few things seem a little fishy to me here. The story of how her “friends” told her she really should read this book. I don’t know her any more than I know Steve Harvey, but it makes me wonder, if someone really wanted to sell a book that is so closely titled to his book, wouldn’t it make sense to contact his ex-wife and try to get her to dredge up as many volatile memories as possible and get them on video wit some sad music in the background? As I said, I don’t know either party, but if I was a third party, putting out a book to refute his book, I might want to stir up as much commotion (which means publicity) as possible. So I did a little detective work. Turns out Shanae Hall is the author of the book “Why do I Have to think Like a Man”, and if the name sounds familiar, it’s because she is the ex-wife of Cory Hall, former safety for the Cincinnati Bengals. So now we have two bitter show-biz ex-wives, and a book that wasn’t getting much publicity. Hmmmm.
    My other question is, “So who shot, edited, spliced, and did the music for the video?” and why would they do all of that if her only purpose was to clear the air between her and Steve. And why shoe excerpts for old latters and dirty emails if you KNOW your son can pull them up on YouTube? And now I’m reading that Mary was “the other woman” for the first two and a half years that she was with Steve, because he was still married to his other wife, but she says she “never knew” he was married… yet even after she found out, she still stayed with him. Is she really not that smart, or is she lying? I’m done. There’s just too much dirt here… I’m washing my hands of the whole thing.

  6. M.E. Johnson

    January 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Wow, Will! Did the plot ever thicken. Thanks for the info. Old folks always told me; “If he’ll leave somebody for you, he’ll leave you for somebody.”

    Back to one of my points; I just read in newyorkpost.com “Mom attempts to kill hubby’s love child…”

  7. Stacey Torres

    January 26, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Obviously, her PAIN is still profound (to her). Come on, get real; how many of us had even a glimmer of a hint that Mr. Harvey had any experience with being unfaithful based on his writings and/or radio show — until now? The truth is, if he had come clean from the beginning, he might be sitting on an even bigger gravy train, and the ex Mrs. Harvey wouldn’t have to put it out there. No, she didn’t HAVE to now, but we don’t know what’s she’s feeling inside … the fact that he’s now suing her for what she has to say speaks volumes. Like I always say, step up to the plate, or put your bat down.
    Hmm, I may be wrong, but wasn’t it about that time (their divorce), when he jumped on the “gospel bandwagon”?

  8. Mike W.

    January 26, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    So, let me get this straight– Did she claim he cheated on her for 15 years? And she stayed with him? Then, when it’s finally over, she uses HIS lawyer during their divorce proceedings??? WTF?!? She doesn’t sound naive, she sounds DUMB! LOL!!! None of this is anybody’s business but the Harveys– Mr. and former Mrs. The fact that she decided to put their business in the streets is sad.

    That said– I don’t listen to Steve Harvey’s radio show, I have not read his book and probably won’t. But, if he wrote the book to give insight and advice on relationships/marriage without disclosing his own fallacies, I think his credibility takes a BIG hit.

  9. Will Jones

    January 26, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    “Good morning, you’re listening to the voice, come on, dig me now! This is your host, Steve Harvey… Oh yeah, by the way, I have a couple of ex-wives and I have done some things I’m not proud of in my past. I haven’t always gone to church the way I should, I cheated on a test once in high school, sometimes I wear the same socks two days in a row, and I don’t floss all the time.”

    Is that what Steve should have done?

    Can we be real just for a minute? NOBODY comes clean about everything. None of us goes into a new relationship and tells every little dirty, nasty thing we might have done in our past relationships. None of us have ever sat our children down and given them the details of every single wrong, immoral or illegal thing we did as teenagers. When we write our resumes, we all say the best things we can say about ourselves, but no one wants to talk about the things we may have struggled with our possibly been reprimanded for at our last job. What ever she’s feeling inside should have been handled between her and the man she was married to TEN YEARS ago. I’m starting to wonder if the reason she’s being sued is for running her mouth about things that she agreed not to speak on in the divorce agreement, and if that’s the case, than she should be sued. It’s also possible that Steve had agreed not to speak on them too, which might be why he hasn’t defended himself in all of this. It kind of makes me wonder if someone else may have promised her some money for coming out right now with the story. Hmmmmm.

  10. Stinedye

    June 16, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    THANK YOU WILL FOR THE VOICE OF SANITY!!!!! I don’t particularly care for Steve Harvey professionally. But really, you have to go on YouTube? And why all this speculation when you know neither party? I appreciate you speculating – tactfully – rather than judiciously placing blame/promoting the madness… We can talk all we want, but why bother? how is this relevant? Steve Harvey cheating or not is not something that does anything for my relationship or personal life. I wish that we would stop holding up celebrities as some type of litmus for our personal lives. it’s insane.

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