Someone just sent me a link to view Steve Harvey’s ex-wife’s online commentary about her marriage to Steve. I’ve been upset since viewing it and I don’t know why. According to the ex-wife, Steve was unfaithful for 15 years while married so my question is:
Should we accept infidelity in our marriages?
Steve Harvey has become a best selling author on the subject of assisting women in their plight to attract and marry a man but now, I find his platform totally destructive and dishonest. If Steve was unfaithful, do you think he should disclose this fact to his million of female listeners?
Thank you for your honesty…I’ll eagerly await your reply!!!
Hey there – thanks for your question!
While I haven’t read Mr. Harvey’s books, I do listen to him regularly on his morning show. I like how he starts by thanking the Lord for what he’s been given and who he’s turning into. I’ve listened to him for quite a while… and I’ve never heard him try to pass himself off as a perfect man. Instead, he simply says that knows a whole lot about men, and I can see how he would; he’s been one for a long time.
Has he made mistakes? I have no doubt that he has. Did he hurt his ex-wife? Probably, being that she’s now an EX-WIFE. Does that mean that he knows nothing about men or relationships? In my opinion, quite the contrary.
I have an ex-wife too (not because of infidelity, but because, by the end, we both wanted to kill each other). We were married far too young and it was a disaster, but it taught me more about marriage than any book I could have ever read. Because of that two-year mistake, I knew what NOT to do in my second marriage, which has lasted almost 18 years so far. And now, if I see someone going down that path that I walked, I try to tell them to turn around and RUN in the other direction. However, if I warn someone, and they say, “Who is HE to give advice? He’s been divorced before,” then it is their choice not to listen.
And that’s the choice that you have to make for yourself. I’m sure if you called Mr. Harvey on his show, and asked, “Should I accept infidelity in my marriage?” he’d tell you no. I’m sure that, in his book, he doesn’t advise women to put up with cheating husbands, possibly because he’s seen the kind of effect it will have on those women down the line. Maybe he has learned, first hand, how it feels to be a cheater, and/or how it feels to be cheated on. And maybe, he’s trying to pass this knowledge on to future generations, so that they don’t have to make the same foolish mistakes he’s made. As I said, these are all possibilities… I don’t know him and only he and his ex-wife actually know what the situation was.
Whether or not you should accept infidelity, drinking, gambling, abuse, snoring, cursing, whining, bad dancing, or anything else in a marriage is ultimately up to the married couple. I personally don’t cheat, I wouldn’t accept it, and I don’t expect my wife to. But I have made my share of other mistakes, just like every other imperfect man and woman on the planet… including all those imperfect folks who write all of those imperfect books and give all of that imperfect advice. Even the bible wasn’t written by perfect people… although I hear it had one heck of an editor.
So my advice is not to take anyone’s advice as if it’s gospel… unless it’s the gospel. Read the books you think will help, use the ideas that you think are useful, and accept only the things that you find acceptable. That way, although you’ll have no one to blame for your mistakes, you can take all of the credit when you succeed.
Good luck and I hope I helped!
Will aka The Good Enough Guy
BTW Steve has now replied to his ex-wife’s allegations… take a listen!
And if you want a MALE perspective to whatever’s on your mind – just click here and fire away!
William Jones is originally from the tiny town of Alton, Illinois, and now lives in the tinier town of Reisterstown, Maryland. He is a happy husband and a proud father of three, and writes as a hobby, in those few, spare moments he finds between husbanding and daddy-ing.