There were a couple bits of news recently that had Good Enough Mother picking her jaw up off the floor. The first was that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of The Jersey Shore is on track to make five million dollars this year. The second bit of news was that he is also reportedly going to be one of the contestants on my new favorite show Dancing with the Stars.
Truth be told, I never watched this show before last season and like so many, tuned in to watch the train wreck that is Kate Gosselin who absolutely did not disappoint. (Who could forget the inspired “Paparazzi” performance?) When she was finally put out of our misery, the show was left with some very talented people who worked hard and were an absolute joy to watch.
Though I’m not a producer, I can tell you what I like on TV. With that said, here’s who I would LOVE to see on DWTS.
- ROBERT PATTINSON: I have not seen a single movie in the Twilight franchise but a lot of people (young girls) have. Surely they would tune in to see their hero tear up the Fox Trot. I would insist he eat a sandwich and get some sun before donning the sequins.
- PRINCE VON ANHALT: Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband of 24 years, he’s perfect to fill the geriatric role. Plus he’s a bit of a twofer, seeing as he could be just this side of crazy (remember this?)
- JON STEWART: Funny, smart and good looking, he would be great to watch and would undoubtedly have some great quips for the judges when they told him he was “too stiff’ (You just know he’d pounce on that).
- RACHEL MADDOW: Again, whip smart and self-deprecating, a welcome change from so many contestants who have elevated self-promotion to an art form.
- JOHN TRAVOLTA: How is it that the man who made prancing around a lighted dance floor in white polyester (POLYESTER!) sexy, has not done this show yet?
- NICK CANNON: Lemme get all ghetto up in here and say “WHY ALL THE BLACK GUYS GOTTA BE ATHLETES?” Come on now, Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice, Chad Ochocinco. How about we get a skinny, funny dude on there? Actor/ TV and Radio Host Nick Cannon would fit that bill and maybe, every so often, name drop about his wife.
- LINDSAY LOHAN: Leading this season’s train wreck parade, Lindsay, fresh from the pokey and rehab. Look, it’s pretty clear this kid needs structure and what’s better than having to hoof it for 16 hours a day?
- DINA LOHAN: “D is for Delusional” Dina would be delicious! Watching her glide across the floor would come in second only to listening to her babble incessantly about how “fine” and “well” her daughter is. Plus she could do double-duty filling the bitch role quite nicely.
- HEIDI MONTAG: I think it would be quite fun to watch her try to balance herself on the dance floor with those two floatation devices she had bolted onto her chest. Imagine what she would look like after she loses the inevitable 10 pounds all the hoofers do.
- GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER: That’s right, ME! I ask you, have any of the aforementioned candidates had to get themselves dressed, open a jar of baby food, and sign for a UPS package with a toddler on their leg and another firmly latched onto a boob? I rest my case. Dancing the Samba would be a piece of cake after that! Producers, I am at the ready.
Okay, your turn. Who do you think would be great fun to watch on Dancing with the Stars this season? Leave your comments and suggestions and tell us why you think they should be on.