Why There’s Nothing Real About This Reality Relationship
Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi (and quite frankly it scares me that I know their last names without having to look it up) are from the last season of ABC’s The Bachelor. Jake hails from Texas, where I spent many years and Vienna, oh who the heck knows? But somehow these two misfits wound up together, their short union, solidified by a rose ceremony. Oh brother.
Now Good Enough Mother would like her children to know, and anyone else who will listen, that this is not real life. The idea that these two people were somehow made for each other and it was all played out on national TV is more than laughable.
My husband and I have been married 16 years. It has not all been perfect, in fact, there were times it sort of sucked and honestly I wasn’t sure we were going to make it. But we did and here are 7 reasons we made it this far.
*Mutual respect for one another: Even before we dated, we were impressed with each other. Buff graduated from Stanford University and made his mark in the world of TV sales. He came from a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of family and never met a challenge he wouldn’t take on. I respected (and still do) his work ethic, his morals and values and his sense of fairness.
*Attraction beyond the physical: Sure when you are first get with someone, all you can think about is sex. SEX, SEX and more SEX. But after a while, that’s a road most traveled and you’d better have something else to fall back on. I fell in love with Buff’s brain years ago, he with my joie de vivre and boundless energy.
*A strong commitment: In short, we’re in it to win it. Remember the whole “in sickness and in health” thing? We all hope for more health than sickness (literally and figuratively) but it’s not that way sometimes. Serious illness, life crises, unemployment they all suck. It’s imperative that the person in your corner doesn’t flee at the first sign of trouble.
*A willingness to forgive: We don’t hold grudges, we argue like adults and we understand that holding on to old hurt is a waste of time and energy. We work at it, this marriage thing, knowing the upside potential is bigger than either of us could imagine. P.S. it’s hard work. Friggin’ hard.
*Give each other space: He golfs, I drink with my girlfriends. Kidding. Sort of. Seriously though, we both have interests that do not include each other. That way we have something to talk about when we are together. Very important.
*We have each other’s interest at heart: He is one of the few people in my life who loves me, warts and wrinkles and all. He has always believed in me and in my TV days, thought there was none better. I appreciate that about him.
*Above all: Love: Sure I don’t greet him at the door dressed in Saran Wrap (that was one time and it was a cooking experiment gone wrong) and we don’t spend weekends in bed anymore. That heart-pounding, weak-in the-knees love has been replaced by a deeper, richer more meaningful type of love. It doesn’t mean we’re not interested in sex. It’s just that we want to see what’s on cable first.
We made it up until this point and my goal, as well as his, is to ride in on this horse. But we both know that will take more hard work. A strong union is one that is forged a day at a time. It’s rarely glamorous and never played out in front of stage lights, cameras and a live audience. We’re okay with that. This real love beats Jake and Vienna’s pseudo-love any day.
What about you? What are the things that make a union strong?