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Single Mom Slice of Life:
To Panic or Not To Panic… AGAIN

 

Time: 10 p.m.

Location: My bed – where by the way – I had already been asleep for an hour.

Phone call: “Mom, don’t panic. I can handle this, I just need you to pay for it. But I dislocated my shoulder and there is a $200 emergency room co-pay.”

So the lesson we learn in this week is how not to panic when your kid gets hurt. I know, I know, we’ve been here before. How could it possibly be any worse than when your kid cracks his kneecap in two places and rips his ACL clean through?

Well, I gave that some thought.

When Nick damaged his knee, I was there. I held his hand in the car, hugged him as he cried, patted his head while we waited in the emergency room, and drove him to and from doctors appointments as well as physical therapy appointments.

Even though I was with him for nearly every moment of his year long recovery, I recall having this overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

That was NOTHING compared to the helplessness I felt when he was attempting to play adult and “handle this” on his own. When your kid is young and falls, you don’t jump and rush… that makes THEM panic. So you stay calm, you wait for them to pick themselves up, you clap and cheer when they do. It’s harder to do that when emergency rooms are involved.

I asked what hospital he was in, and his answer was, “Banner.” Now, the reason that’s not helpful is Banner is the name of a health group not a hospital. Nearly every hospital in Arizona is owned by the Banner Group.

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I could hear the tears in his voice, hear the pain he was trying to hide as he waited to have his shoulder reset, and the feeling of helplessness grew again… only this time it was worse. I couldn’t hold his hand, I couldn’t hug him, I couldn’t pat his head and because he did this while on campus they handled his transportation.

So, what does one do? Well, after he had to hang up to talk to the doctor, we texted. It was helpful for both of us. He didn’t have to pretend like he wasn’t close to tears from the pain, and I didn’t have to hear it. The texts were regular throughout the night. I asked questions, he answered them. He told me to relax and I told him if he told me to relax one more time I would hurt his other shoulder.

Besides, I wasn’t really panicking. Not until he went radio silent for about an hour and a half around midnight. THAT was when I truly started to panic.

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Having never dislocated my shoulder before, I had no idea that they knocked you out to reset it, which is why he had stopped texting. After he came to, they kept him for observation until the meds were out of his system, and the school arrived to pick him back up.

He’s in a sling, and learning to become temporarily left-handed after 20 years of being a righty. He hurts, aches, and is considering a life as a recluse to prevent further broken bones.

So what lessons have we learned from this? Well:

  1. Nick needs to drink more milk… his bones are way too brittle.
  2. Nick needs to learn that waking mom up at 10:30 at night and telling her not to panic is a sure fire way to make her panic.
  3. I kept him whole and unbroken for 18 years… he didn’t start breaking stuff until he was a legal adult.
  4. In the end, it turns out, he really can handle things on his own… even if I have to pay for it.

This parenting thing… man, I’m telling you… I was honestly hoping that after 20 years and the slow move away from home it would get easier. It’s actually a lot harder to parent when they’re not at home than when they are. Why do parents drink? Well… I think I’ve clearly answered that question.