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Raising Gaybies: Our Little Boy Said WHAT?

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Raising Gaybies:
Our Little Boy Said WHAT? 

On the first day of attending Hebrew school you would think – and I would hope that our children would learn about Judaism and the diaspora. About 5 minutes after hebrew class ended our six-year old-boy said, “Papa, what does the work “f**k” mean?” Two days later he innocently asked, “What’s an assh*le?” Then, just a day later, another question.. “Papa what is a dope addict?”

What happened to those easy days of changing diapers laden with poop and temper tantrums at Target? Since before birth, I was told by my husband that I am “verboten” from using my Brooklyn-esque potty mouth anywhere on planet Earth for fear that those little nascent ears may pick up a hint of cursing during my sometimes “bad moments”.

Related: Raising Gaybies: And Who Is HE? 

Frankly, the now seven- year-old kids have no idea what they are saying let alone what it means – but they think they do. For example, when our son was asking what the word “assh*le” meant – his pronunciation was way off. He initially said “asher-hoooool.” When I didn’t understand what the f**k he was saying (oppps.. I slipped) he said it really, really, REALLY slowly so I could unnnnnnderrrrrrrstaaaaaannnnnd it. He was talking to me like I was some hard-of-hearing, obtuse old man. Ugh! By then everyone else around me knew what he was saying  and only then did I finally get it!

So why are we here in potty mouth land? Well for one reason, kids learn these curse words, not on a weekly vocabulary test, but many times from kids who have older siblings. I remember last year, our son used the word “sh*t” in a sentence, albeit as a verb not a noun. Now, grammar aside, he learned this short new word from his best friend who has an older brother.

Related: Raising Gayeties: Out Of The Closet And Into Full-Time Fatherhood

Lately, I’ve realized another repository of naughty words are some children’s books. Believe it or not, one of my favorite childhood books, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler,  famed author E.L. Konigburg, which won the Al Newbery Medal for excellence in American children’s literature in 1968, refers to refers to “dope addicts.” I guess, that’s what you get for reading too much.. plus the book is based in New York City in the late 1960’s – so no surprise.

But I am a believer in wanting our kids to come to us – like they did – when they are confused or have questions. The only problem is how the f*** do I explain dope addicts to a young boy still in 1st grade?  I feel like such an asshole…

What about you? What do you do when your kids have potty mouth? Have they ever dropped an “F” Bomb? How did you respond?

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