I have just found my biological father after 21 years. I wrote him a handwritten letter hoping for a response and the day I received one, I broke down in tears; not only did I receive a response, he wrote that he’s been searching for me and wants a relationship! I have formed relationships with him as well as my step-mom, half sister and brother. We have even made plans to meet each other in person and spend a week together.
For about two months, we’ve talked and it has been filled with bliss, happiness, and an abundance of joy. But now that a little time has past, my emotions have shifted to anger and sadness. Every time we talk, it is tense and I want nothing but to blow up at him for leaving me as a baby.
Growing up, my life was very difficult. I was adopted by my step-dad and he was physically and verbally abusive. My mother has been on and off drugs, so I have always felt lost.
Rene I’m angry. In my opinion a parent should stop at nothing to be with their child. It is not fair for a person to be absent from a child life for 21 years, then come in and tell me he wants to protect me when he never has before.
My question is…how do I cope with these emotions, and get rid of my angry thoughts? I don’t want to sabotage anything but I also don’t want to hide my feelings. If anyone has been through this experience please tell me what to expect and how to cope.
Learning A Lot in Louisville
Dear Learning A Lot:
I’ve been writing this column for many years and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt the pain that I feel in reading yours. I know there’s a lot going on in your mind and frankly, your heart right now. But you know what? I have hope because you recognize that this is becoming a problem and one you want to fix. I’m honored you reached out to me but I have to say (as I have in instances where big issues are being played out) I am not a therapist, just a professional mom who tried to dispense common sense. As the mother of two children, I am going to tell you what I would tell them.