Ask Rene: How Did I Get In This Love Triangle? And How Do I Get OUT?

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Ask Rene:
How Did I Get In This Love Triangle?
And How Do I Get OUT? 

Hi Rene:

It all started when my ex-husband and I fooled around knowing we were not going back. Now I’m 19 weeks pregnant! He had told me he had a female friend and he decided to stop hanging out with her and focus on my pregnancy and of course, I believed him.

Recently, my 10-year-old told me he wouldn’t want to see his father or me with someone else. But just as I was dropping him off at his grandmother’s (my ex-husband’s mom) for a family party, I heard his friend was there. I was upset and without thinking, ran to pick up my son because I didn’t want him to get hurt. His dad, meanwhile, had introduced this girl as a friend to everyone but my son, so my son was a bit confused.

That night, his mom said NASTY things to me, even doubting the baby I’m carrying is her son’s. After that weekend I did go off on him, of course. He was mad at me for butting in his life but I wanted him to use common sense; besides he said he was gonna be there for me and not see another girl and take her to family parties .

Now all of a sudden, he doesn’t want me hanging out with him. I told him I would take him back but he said it’s hard now since I divorced him 4 years ago. He also says he doesn’t want me hanging out with him but has agreed stop seeing the girl while he thinks this over.

The only concern I have is that this girl accepted all of this, knowing he was having another baby with me; what kind of girl is she? It’s hard but I’m afraid I will lose him forever. Please help!!

Signed

Scared And Alone

 

Dear Scared:

Can I be honest? I mean, girlfriend-to-girlfriend honest?

DAMN GIRL! What were you thinking?!

There’s so much going on here I’m not even sure where to start, a fact that I’m sure, is not lost on you. There are a lot of ways to answer this but the problem is.. so much of it rests on your past behavior (fooling around with your ex-husband without a plan for what could and ultimately DID happen being chief among them). Looking in the rearview mirror is just not good for anyone (except as a way to figure out what NOT to do in the future), so let’s focus on going forward. Here’s what I would do if I were you.

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 FIGURE OUT
WHAT YOU WANT

3D render of someone making a decision

Effective action starts with a good plan. You need to figure out what you want. It kind of sounds like you want to be back with your ex. But if that is a decision driven by anything other than love (like, fear or jealousy), it’s not going to work longterm.

Read more:  Ask The Good Enough Guy: Why Do Guys Always Cheat On Me?

 ESTABLISH SOME
DANG BOUNDARIES!

know your boundaries. illustration design over white

There’s a reason your ex doesn’t want to hang out with you. He has the best of both worlds! He, by your own admission is (or at least was) fooling around with you, which could happen again. He’s probably fooling around with the other girl too.  Wh0′s he gonna choose?

However you DO need to make a decision. You deserve to be respected and the ex’s bed-hopping (to say nothing of his mother’s treatment of you) show very little of that. Put up with that and that’s what you’ll get.

Read more: 10 From GEM: 10 Cool Ways To Put Yourself First

PROMISE YOURSELF
THIS!

photodune-5345820-promise-road-sign-xs

I’ve seen countless times, women have a baby with a man knowing damn well he is not going to commit to them. Then the baby comes along and they wonder why he hasn’t changed.

Based on your ex’s behavior of late, he really doesn’t sound like he’s all that reliable or that he’s the least bit inclined to build a life with you. You know what? You deserve more.

Promise yourself that you will be good to you, not only for yourself but for the sake of your children who are watching.

Read more: Better Not Bitter: Parenting After Divorce.. Be A She-ro, Hero or Zero

*****************************************************************************************************************************

What I am laying out for you will not be easy; I hope you’re up to the task. He either commits to you, your son and your unborn child or he can keep it moving. In the meantime, no more “fooling around” with him as it only complicates matters (don’t we know it?!). You can go back to that if and when he commits.

Good luck mommy!

That’s my advice; what say you GEMnation?

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Rene Syler is a wife, mother, breast cancer advocate and television personality whose burning desire to tell the truth about modern motherhood led her to create GoodEnoughMother.com . When not spending time with her family or burning something for dinner, Rene travels the country as host of Sweet Retreats on The Live Well Network and Exhale on Aspire.

2 Comments

  1. Momarchy Ladies

    November 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    I agree with Rene 100%. You deserve much better than someone who wants to leave you to have this baby on your own!

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