Ask Rene: My Daughter’s Ex Is A Felon.. And He’s Back! What Can I Do?

 Domestic Violence and Abuse as a Abstract

Ask Rene:
My Daughter’s Ex Is A Felon..
and He’s Back! What Can I Do?

 

 

Hi Rene.. can you help?

Last year, my daughter’s then-boyfriend—who is also her son’s father—beat her pretty badly. He punched her in the face and stomach and tried to strangle her with an extension cord. Because he has several prior felonies, he was imprisoned for 15 months. He was just released from the county jail. I know that he will always be in her life because they have a child together, but quite frankly, I don’t want to have anything to do with him. She and my grandson live with me. Is it reasonable to put limits on when and how he visits my grandson?

Signed:

Worried Grand Rapids Granny

 

Dear Worried:

Ugh.. this is a tough one. Domestic violence is no joke and I have serious reservations about ever allowing him to come to your house and honestly, given the severity of the beating, I’m not sure why there isn’t an order of protection already in place. Again I must reiterate that I am not a domestic violence counselor not an officer of the court but I will give you my common sense answer. However, I suggest you seek out someone versed in this before making your decisions.  Having said that, here’s what I would do if I were in your shoes.

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OUTLINE THE
TERMS OF VISITATION

A stylish pen laying over a signed contract.

HELL YES you have a right to place parameters on his visitation! Yes. Yes, yes and yes! Not only do you have a right to, you absolutely should, given the nature of his past offenses. I would definitely seek the advice of an attorney or social worker on what that would entail. Get, IN WRITING, some sort of visitation agreement that he has to abide by. If possible, perhaps you can get an agreement on supervised visitation that would take place somewhere other than  your home.

Read more: Ask Rene: My Daughter Is Throwing Her Life Away With This Loser!

MAKE SURE SOMEONE
ELSE IS THERE

WHEN (IF) HE COMES OVER

Protect

 

This dude seems like he’s got several screws loose; at the very least he seems to have a rage problem that may or may not have gotten worse after being locked up for 15 months. So if you are going to allow him to visit his son at your home, do what you must to protect yourself, daughter and grandchild. I would definitely make sure you were not alone in the home with him. Ask  domestic violence counselor for some insights into a solution.

Read more: Ask Rene: My Wife Gave Her Brother Money Without Telling Me! Now What? 

CHECK ON YOUR
DAUGHTER

Mental health concept in word tag cloud on black

When I say check on her, I mean, not just her physical self but also take a temperature on how she’s doing mentally and emotionally. I can only imagine what kind of angst she feels knowing the man who beat her so badly is going to be coming around. But the other person I worry about is your grandson. The effects of domestic violence on kids is well-documented so you need to make sure that he’s being taken care of as well. Find a counselor to help him through some of the anxiety he may be feeling and also make sure he knows you’re going to do everything in  your power to keep him safe.

Read more: Ask Rene: I’m Getting Married And Need Advice.. STAT!

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That’s my advice.. but I’d like to open this up to GEMnation. Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do? What would suggest this worried grandmother do?

Lemme hear ya!

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Rene Syler is a wife, mother, breast cancer advocate and television personality whose burning desire to tell the truth about modern motherhood led her to create GoodEnoughMother.com . When not spending time with her family or burning something for dinner, Rene travels the country as host of Sweet Retreats on The Live Well Network and Exhale on Aspire.

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