What Matters Most: Expectation vs. Reality...This Is NOT What I Signed Up For!

What Matters Most:
Expectation vs. Reality…
This Is NOT What I Signed Up For!

Before I married I envisioned what being married with children would be like. I had been a nanny for years. Caring for the children, keeping the house clean, grocery shopping and making dinner really did seem to come quite naturally for me. If I was to be totally transparent with you, I’d say I pretty much had it down and fully expected that I was more than ready to be a good wife and Mother. Then I got married and had a few children and the reality of being a wife and Mom set in. I found myself so tired, the house was far from spotless and dinner was often something I threw together just before my husband came home.

Where did super nanny go? I began to compare myself with others knowing that they surely had it more together than I did. I felt stuck and overwhelmed. The lies that would dance around in my head were things like “Certainly they had their menu planned, bathrooms cleaned, laundry done, children schooled, dinner made and joyfully greeted their husband at the door when he came home.”

When we have an expectation for what we THINK our home life should be like and compare ourselves to others we set ourselves up for discontent and failure. It robs us of contentment and takes the joy out of living our lives with our family. Here’s 5 way to help shift your perspective:

1. FOCUS ON WHAT IS
GOOD IN YOUR FAMILY

Pay attention to what’s good in your family and what you want to see in your home. When we focus on all that is negative in our personal lives, our children’s behavior or our lack of organization it shuts us down. Instead write down what you want in your life. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit. Step into your power and be more. Put in place what matters most to you and then build your life around those things. Truly what you focus on will become a reality.

2. BE POSITIVE

You set the tone in your home. Choose to be happy. Truly if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy! Your attitude is your choice. Lighten up, laugh with your kids, smile at them when they come to you. Give them a soft look with gentle eyes instead of the “Don’t bother me now I’m working!” death stare. Give them a positive word from your heart. Something you see in them that you want to point out. I did this yesterday with one of my 8-year-old sons. He is such a nurturer and cares deeply for others. I told him how special that gift is and how it blesses others. We both welled up with tears because I chose to stop for a moment and feed into his little heart. When we look for the good it helps us put aside our natural tendency of focusing on all the things they aren’t doing right, their messy room, unbrushed teeth & punch they just gave to their brother. We then help them believe in themselves and become all that they want to be.

3. SHIFT YOUR MINDSET

Take on the attitude of “I Get To!” it will completely shift your mindset. I know of a woman that was in a car accident and was left in a coma for years, unable to care for herself or her family. I often think of her when I am tired and having to make yet another meal or wash another load of laundry. How she would LOVE to be able to do those things for her family. It would not be a drudgery. Be thankful for what you get to do, that you have a family, a home, clothing, a toilet to scrub and the ability to care for your family and all that you have. There is no guarantee in life that any of us or our possessions will all be here tomorrow. Life is precious and when we can be thankful for all that we have it changes everything.

4. SET GOALS
AND TAKE ACTION

Your goals, wishes and dreams will not just happen unless you put things into action to bring them about. Write down your dream or goal at the top of your paper. Then at the bottom put your current reality. List out the steps to get you to your goal. Set a date to have it finished and refer back to your chart and make changes as needed but always keep moving towards your goal(s).

Read more: Ask Rene: What More Can We Do For Our Daughter

5. BE GOOD TO YOU

This one is HUGE. Speak kindly to and about yourself. Pay attention to the words you speak in your head, to yourself and purpose to not allow anymore negative words to play over and over. No more, “I’m so stupid” or “I am a terrible Mom or homemaker” or “I am so ugly, frumpy and fat!” This is where our personal growth begins and will effect every aspect of our lives. OUR WORDS CREATE LIFE! In the beginning you may not be able to say “I am beautiful, smart, amazing…” and that is okay. Write down what you can say that is positive and put it in your wallet or on your bathroom mirror and read it daily. I started with “I am loved and I can do this!” and would focus on that every morning. I knew that God loved me beyond measure, my husband and children loved me and that I could be more and I started my journey there. I can still remember the first time I looked into the mirror and instead of thinking “You’re so fat, ugly, frumpy, stupid!” I said to myself “You look cute today!”. I knew then that I was making progress on my journey to liking myself and living the life that I had always wanted.