I’ve been following you for some time now and, for the most part, agree with the advice you give. Now I’m coming to you with a situation of my own.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I added to our family by adopting two siblings who were in an abusive situation. They were babies when they came to our family so they’ve never known anything but the love we have provided.
We never told them they were adopted. I was worried about how they would take it, about what their classmates would say, and (a little bit) about what our neighbors would say.
Now, eleven years later, my husband and I are separated and he is threatening to tell the kids they are adopted.
Rene, I’m really not sure what to do. I’ve asked my husband not to say anything to the kids because our family situation is hard enough as it is but he says unless we get back together, he’s going to spill the beans.
Helpless in Hawaii
Well, first of all, no situation is helpless but the question is whether you are ready to do anything about this and if so, what? This is not the first letter I have received like this so it leads me to believe that perhaps this is not as uncommon as I thought it was. But here’s what I’m thinking and what I would do if I were in your shoes.