TALK TO
YOUR HUSBAND

Creative Commons/ark

We’re gonna start here because this is the most important part. You need to do this for your own mental health and you need him to help you. Sometimes we assume our partners know what we need; after all can’t they SEE?  But he’s busy, too; he might have a lot on his mind and he’s not a mind-reader. So you can’t hold him responsible for knowing what you need unless you lay it out for him.  You need to be VERY clear with words to this effect: I know you work hard on your job and I so appreciate it but I need your help. Then you need to detail what it is you need him to do. Is it split the household duties more evenly, since you both have full-time jobs?

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CARVE OUT
“ME TIME”

Creative Commons/Cris Anna Banana

I am deadly serious about this. I don’t care where it is, when it is, how much time it is, you have to do this every day. You need to be alone with your thoughts. You need time to rejuvenate and recharge your own batteries. Whether that’s a manicure, a coffee run, time with a neighbor, volunteer work, taking a class  or sitting alone in your car listening to bad 80′s tunes, you have to do this, not just for you but for your family.  It is not selfish; it’s self-preservation and in the end, will help you do all of your jobs better.

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GET SUPPORT

Creative Commons/ttcopley

Your kids are old enough to be able to handle an afternoon alone or if you’re worried they won’t listen, hire a babysitter. If you can’t afford a sitter, maybe you could organize some sort of childcare swap where you take the neighbor’s kids for an afternoon and they return the favor. Yes, I am aware that that potentially will turn your four kids into five or more but when you get time off, it will be totally worth it.

Read more:  Single Mom Slice Of Life: Until You Return Again

NO GUILT!

Creative Commons/Cayusa

Now here’s where this might get tough for you but from the files of “be careful what you wish for” comes this. If you ask your husband and kids to help you, you also have to help yourself. That means you’re going to have to let go some of the control on certain issues. If you ask your husband to make dinner once a week and that dinner is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then so be it. If you need to get away for an overnight trip, don’t worry about what the house or the kids’ hair is going to look like. In other words, you start letting stuff go by just, well, letting it go a little at a time.

Read more:  RENE’S REMOTE: SHAMELESS

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And one more thing. Don’t worry so much about your legacy and what your kids will remember. I once interviewed a psychologist back when I had that big gig and said something along those same lines to him. You know what he told me? “The things your kids will remember about you will be the one that didn’t even register with you.” So instead of thinking you’re a big ogre, just do the best you can and tell them that’s what you’re doing. They’ll appreciate and see you as a mom who is human.

And they’ll love you for it.

Now be as good to yourself as you are to everyone else. Good luck, Mommy!

Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. And don’t forget to follow the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.

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