Tandem Tantrums: Why Newtown Made Me Mad...At MY Toddler

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Tandem Tantrums: Why Newtown Made Me Mad…At MY Toddler

By Ella Rucker / January 3, 2013 / 5 Comments

Tandem Tantrums:
Why Newtown Made Me Mad…At MY Toddler

Happy New Year! As I write this I don’t feel it completely. See, the children and teachers who were killed in Newtown, Connecticut are still heavily on my mind. Every minute I get with Joelle is now a moment I am reminded, “this could be it”, “what if?”, “remember this time.” I’m kind of permanently sad and permanently happy all at the same time. It’s a bevy of emotion and I can only imagine what that town and those parents have to endure.

That brings me to my reaction to the events of the day. When I heard the news I didn’t understand what happened. I read something like “20 babies died” in a Facebook update and had to scour for more information. As the accounts became more defined I wasn’t as shaken as I thought I should be. I didn’t rush to get my daughter; I didn’t even worry about her much.

As it would happen though this was a day where I was out of my routine. Rene was taping The Bill Cunningham Show which means I had to commute to get my toddler from school. I got there later than usual and didn’t want her teacher to have to wait for our exodus any longer than necessary. I told Joelle to “come here” so she could get ready. More trains, playing, and ignoring me is all that I got. Wait. That’s not all. I got mad and I got scared and I started yelling.

No, I didn’t yell in front of her teacher, but as the weekend and days progressed I realized I was less patient with my daughter. Why? Because sh*t just got real! See, her listening to me or her teachers is now an issue of life or death and I, as a parent, would prefer she know how to listen to preserve life. Every bit of instruction I give her has nothing to do with eating her vegetables or making sure she’s potty trained. Nope. Everything I tell her is now a life-saving drill. Will she listen when someone tells her to get in the closet? If I drive up to her at recess and tell her to hurry up and get in will she blindly follow my lead? (Crazy scenario, I know, but your mind runs the gamut when trying to determine how to massacre-proof your child.) What can I do not to fail as a parent so that if something were to happen she’d at least have a fighting chance? And trust me. I’m not insinuating in any way that the parents in Newtown failed because they didn’t. I have just set the bar so high that if Joelle eats a cracker without sitting down at the table after I told her to that somehow I’ve come up short in my parenting goals.

I knew parenting would require a tough, outer shell…

THE FROWN

I love this look on Joelle, but I know that cute, little scowl will be the source of many teen confrontations later in life.

THE “SIT DOWN”

I may have mentioned we had some problems with agreeing on our “to-do” list at Disney World. The approach to problems where Joelle sits down and tunes me out is usually met with patience, but if I don’t address it what will be the cost?

BEDTIME BLUES

It happens to all kids and, of course, I understand. She had a full day of fun and didn’t want to interrupt it with bedtime. It happens, but Mommy knows you need your sleep.

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I know that every “no” out of her toddler mouth doesn’t mean she won’t listen if – God forbid – the time comes. I’m actually very proud of her ability to assess a situation and act accordingly. I also know that tragedy strikes. Every parent knows it, prays about it, tries to avoid it. In the wee hours of the night I reconstruct my day and hope some of what I tried to teach her gets her one more step away from danger while at the same time remembering this, like all of parenting’s moments, is more about my fears than any failings of my child.

So what about you? Did you have an unexpected reaction to this awful day? Has it changed your parenting style or goals in any way? Let’s talk about it, shall we?

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Ella Rucker is the mother of one of the smartest, funniest two-year-olds she’s ever met. She is currently assistant to the head GEM which means hats o’ plenty including writing, editing, and producing for Good Enough Mother. An Ohio native implanted in NYC for the last 13 years, Ella has achieved one of her many dreams by writing. Her musings (she’s amused they’d be called “musings”) can be found at other places on the web so make sure you follow her on twitter @ellalaverne so you don’t miss any of the fun.