Ask Rene:
How Could He Do This To Me?
Hi Rene:
My husband and I have been married for seven years. The first four were pretty good; he had a great job, we owned a home and had two kids, who I currently stay at home with. Then at the height of the recession, Jeff lost that job.
What followed was pure hell. We lost our home, had to move in with his family and ran through out entire savings.
About six months ago, Jeff got a better-paying job and we began to slowly rebuild our financial life. Then things got even better; Jeff was offered a promotion and a 40,000 a year raise!
And then he turned it down.
My husband is so unhappy in the environment where he works. He says it’s sucking the life out of him; he put on weight and dealt with a blood pressure problem this year. He says he also wants to do something more creative. But him not taking the better job (salary) means we’re still stuck in this crappy apartment, clipping coupons and praying for life to get better.
Rene I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. What kind of man who’s caring for his family does that? Doesn’t he remember how bad it was for so long? I’m very worried because my anger with him has not only not gone away, it’s gotten worse and I fear his decision is going to tear our marriage apart.
Please help!
Disappointed and hurt
Dear Disappointed and hurt:
I understand you are hurting. I understand you are scared. What I am having a hard time with is, and forgive me, I don’t mean to pile on, is your attitude. This letter makes you sound a bit selfish. It might be time for a little soul-searching on your part. So here’s what I’m thinking and what I would do if I were you.
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Is she wrong to expect this?
Ask Rene:
Why Didn’t Anyone Warn Me?!
Hello, Rene! I follow you on Twitter and Facebook and saw your post about a man with a few baby mamas and thought I’d ask you a question I’ve always had. Several of my boyfriends have cheated on me and I usually end up hurt, not so much by the cheating, but because I am usually close to his sisters and other family members. In both instances, my man at the time, would bring his other women around his family and I didn’t understand why no one would at least warn me. The problem now is that my brother, Mark, may be cheating on his wife and I’ve brought it up to him and he told me to mind my own business. She and I are friends. Do I tell her what is going on or should I just keep my mouth shut? I really like her and don’t want to hurt her like I was.
Signed:
Secret Keeper
Read more–> http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2013/01/ask-rene-why-didnt-anyone-warn-me/
Does she have a right to expect that this would happen?
Ask Rene:
Why Didn’t Anyone Warn Me?!
Hello, Rene! I follow you on Twitter and Facebook and saw your post about a man with a few baby mamas and thought I’d ask you a question I’ve always had. Several of my boyfriends have cheated on me and I usually end up hurt, not so much by the cheating, but because I am usually close to his sisters and other family members. In both instances, my man at the time, would bring his other women around his family and I didn’t understand why no one would at least warn me. The problem now is that my brother, Mark, may be cheating on his wife and I’ve brought it up to him and he told me to mind my own business. She and I are friends. Do I tell her what is going on or should I just keep my mouth shut? I really like her and don’t want to hurt her like I was.
Signed:
Secret Keeper
read more–>http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2013/01/ask-rene-why-didnt-anyone-warn-me/
I agree with this advice and what most people are saying over at facebook. I’m going to add something from a slightly different angle. I am a mother of two young kids who quit my full time decently paid job because I was super miserable. I was not the larger breadwinner and we are fortunate enough to be able to slide by with one salary. I also have found part time work that helps contribute. One thing I learned was that if you are going to make such a drastic decision for your family you better leave the misery at the job you left or in this case turned down. A few times I have gotten upset and my husband has pointed out that I left a job (which he ultimately supported) to get away from these feelings. I needed to evaluate what exactly was making me miserable and if it was more than the job find a way to get over it. It has led to a lot of soul searching but I would suggest that her husband’s problems might not just be about work. I’m not saying the demanding job he hates doesn’t play a large part of it but sometimes they don’t magically go away if he has let frustration and anger or apathy take over for too long. Just a thought.