Ask Rene: How Do I Tell My Mom I LIED To Her?

Ask Rene:
How Do I Tell My Mom I LIED To Her?

 

Hi Rene: 

I’m coming to you because I need help. I went to a friend’s house and told my mom I was just there for a party. BUT, I wasn’t.. I was there to have my friend do the tattoo he offered to do for me. So he got started with it, but he only got the outline finished. Today, I was thinking that I should finally just tell my mom about it. So I basically gave her a hint. I told her, “Mom, if I were to have an unfinished tattoo & asked you to take me to finish it, would you?” She responded with, “Well, I would be forced to. I would be disappointed, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t do a thing like that; no offense but you wouldn’t have the tolerance for the pain of needles, why?” Of course just like any other teen (I’m 15-years-old), I said, “No reason” and just went back into my room.

She’s really laid back, but since she’s a single mother, she has a lot of stress, and I know for a fact out of me, and my little brother, I’m the trouble child. It took me about 3 years to convince her to let me get the piercings I really wanted, but a tattoo, I know is over the line, but eventually she’ll see it (the tattoo is under my belly button) due to the fact I tend to wear shirts that lift up when I stretch or anything, and I’m a very active person, I’m sporty, I go to kick boxing, softball, and track, and I stretch a lot in the house before I go for a jog, but yeah, I really wanna know how to lay down the news for her about the tattoo, because she has been telling me lately that she wants a more honest and open mother-daughter relationship and I want to get it finished as well because it’s not one of those senseless tattoos, it has much meaning behind it, and well I had been dying to get it.

Sign me: 

Needing Help In Hoboken

 

 

Hi Needing Help:

Let me see if I have this straight. You lied to your mom about going to a party. A guy gives you a tattoo but only the outline, he may or may not have messed it up (sounds like he may have) and now you want your mother, who you KNEW would not agree to this, to make everything better? I think I can answer this in a few shorts words..

ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ CRAZY? 

There are so may things wrong with this situation I’m not sure where to start. Okay, let me try to lay this out in a way you will understand and then explain what you  need to do next (and yes, it’s YOU who needs to make amends).

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THE BASIC ISSUE:
YOU LIED

I am not going to sugarcoat this for you at all, the fact is you lied . You are not five, you’re 15 and this is not cute, it’s reprehensible. I want you to think of your relationship with your mother like a traffic light. When you see a red light, you act accordingly because it is understood that the other drivers will have a green and continue going. Now you, trying to be cute or grown or I don’t even know, ran right through that stoplight. You took that which was understood by your mother (that you would obey and tell the truth) and behaved exactly the oposite. Relationships are fragile things (even those between mothers and daughters) and your word is your currency. You blew it by lying.

Read more: Ask Rene: My Daughter Has A Mean Gene!

A TATTOO DONE BY A FRIEND..
REALLY?

This illustrates perfectly WHY parents need to be involved in things like this. A tattoo done by a friend? You’re going to let someone use a needle and inject UNDERNEATH your skin that will leave a permanent mark? What if he messes up? And that’s not even as serious as the questions about cleanliness!  He could have exposed you to Hepatitis C, for God’s sake! The other reason has to do with decision-making ability. A tattoo is permanent (ostensibly); so at 15 you are making decisions that will effect your body years down the road. What may be cute now, might not be in 40 years.

Read more: Ask Rene: Bad Boyfriend.. How Can I Make My Daughter See Sense?

NOW WHAT?

There’s so much in your letter that is troubling to me, and the lying and tattoo are just part of it. See, here’s the thing. You need your mother. You need her to accept you, to love you and now you want her to clean up your adolescent mess. You know why? Because you are a kid. You tried to get all grown and handle something on your own and now it’s backfired. Your mother is a lot nicer and more understanding than me because if you were my kid, I’d let you figure it out on your own. You think you’re grown? Then you’re old enough to have some half finished tattoo just below your belly button for a good, little while.

The other thing that is disappointing is that you know you are “problem child”. Instead of doing things to prove your mother wrong, you went headlong down that path that will only underscore that opinion of you. Your mother says she wants a better mother-daughter relationship? It’s shameful you didn’t meet her halfway.

Now, what you need to do is apologize to your mother. Apologize for disobeying her and  apologize for dumping a bunch of worry on her plate; she’s busy enough as a single parent. Then you need to tell her how you plan to repair the relationship that you recklessly damaged with your lies. That includes listening to  her and doing as she asks and then praying you can regain her trust, which won’t be easy.

You  have a small window of time with which to get your act together. The clock is ticking; time to get busy.

Good luck!

Read more: Ask Rene: My Kids Trashed Me Online!

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Rene Syler is a wife, mother, breast cancer advocate and television personality whose burning desire to tell the truth about modern motherhood led her to create GoodEnoughMother.com . When not spending time with her family or burning something for dinner, Rene travels the country as host of Sweet Retreats on The Live Well Network and Exhale on Aspire.

3 Comments

  1. Charlotte

    December 5, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I hope this young lady told her mother, or will tell her sooner rather than later. It would be better for her to go to her mom with the truth and an apology for breaking trust. If her mom finds out first she’ll begin to wonder what else her daughter has lied (omitted and committed) about and that will make the road to trust so much longer. Going to mom with honesty will show her that she’s been thoughtful about what she’s done and is willing to accept whatever consequences may follow…a sign of maturity. As a mother of teen, that’s the way I’d like this sort of situation play out.

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