I am a stay at home mom of 3 beautiful girls ages 6, 5 and 1.
I have been married for 8 years to a man I thought would be my partner in crime. Well it’s not true; he’s not my partner in crime, he’s just another person I have to clean up after. I feel so disconnected from him that laying in bed next to him makes me cringe.
He works long hours at his job (when his boss has told him numerous times to only work 8-5/6pm at the latest. He’s finishing college online, which his family is helping him tremendously by doing some of his coursework. He comes home and doesn’t do a dang thing to help me.
I cook, clean, deal with the kids, take care of our dog, do the trash, mow the lawn, set up doctor’s appointments (yes, even for him), deal with my own health issues (I have RA) and deal with my developmentally delayed 5-year-old.
I am exhausted and when I ask for help or try to delegate to him some stuff to do he blows me off. I was recently in the hospital for my RA and when I came home, no dishes were done, the laundry and trash were piled up and the kids had been eating microwave food the whole time I was in the hospital.
I was very upset and gave him a piece of my mind and he told me it’s not his job to do things around the house. I don’t know how to handle this anymore.
I have been getting sicker and sicker and now have heart issues due to my RA but he doesn’t help me, not at all!
What should I do?
Tired in Teaneck
Your letter is an interesting one. First of all it’s critical that you get help. Not tomorrow, not next week. Right.now! But there is also one thing you can do to help yourself. More on that in a moment but first, here’s what I would do if I were you.