Tandem Tantrums: 3 Things I Learned From My Dad's Heart Attack

You are here: Home > Family & Home > Current Article

Tandem Tantrums: 3 Things I Learned From My Dad’s Heart Attack

By Ella Rucker / October 18, 2012 / 2 Comments

Tandem Tantrums:
3 Things I Learned From My Dad’s Heart Attack

“Daddy had a heart attack.”

“Is he dead?” I asked my sister. I don’t know exactly what she said but as it turns out, my father is still very much alive.

I’m writing this post less than five hours later. It could be because we have space to fill or maybe it’s because when you get a call like that, your whole world changes and you have to make sense of some things.

You may remember last year, a scant few months after I officially became “a writer,” and less than two years after I became a mother, my mom passed away – from a heart attack. So jumping to the conclusion that my father died in the same way wasn’t a leap at all; a call from my sis after midnight will have me thinking worst case scenario until proven otherwise.

I was actually up getting last-minute instructions and having a funny quasi-conversation with Rene when my sister called. It put a little bit of life into perspective to say the least.

WHAT’S A DEADLINE IF YOU’RE DEAD?

A little fun before bedtime.

I made some calls. Called my siblings. In the process I woke up Joelle. I laid down with her because I realized that putting in a Life Lessons meant nothing if I didn’t take the lesson in front of me and just go to sleep. Things can wait; Joelle’s sleep can’t. And I slept for a whole three hours.

WHO AM I HURTING?

Joelle and her granddad walking to the lake.

I sent a text to Joelle’s father. He and I aren’t feuding per se, but I am giving him a lot less attention. I mentioned before I didn’t know how to handle our relationship, and, of course, here we are again. My parents were friends, then best friends, then just my parents; a process that started in 1958. Their friendship got rocky somewhere in this millennium. Friends for more than 50 years. Almost losing them both in 365 days? Thank God for those three hours of sleep because I have no idea how much I’m going to get tonight wondering if I should just put on my big girl britches and be a little nicer to the man who gave 23 chromosomes to this sleeping beauty beside me. Nothing like a midnight call to show you that you don’t quite have all the pieces of the puzzle completely in the right places.

MY KINGDOM FOR A CANDY BAR?

Joelle biking it to school while I walk by her side, of course!

I’m wondering about my own health. I’ve never been a healthy eater, but I’ve never had any of the side effects of obesity either. My cholesterol and blood pressure are great despite my love of butter, sugar and all things fried. My great grandmother used to ingest fat in its purest form everyday (leave a comment if you want more details) and she lived to be 97. 97! And that was in addition to her snuff and alcohol vices. She did give birth to 17 kids who lived so you can imagine she was all about the cardio in all kinds of ways (wink, wink). But all of that aside, I do know I have to do better about making sure three hours of sleep a night isn’t the norm, that I eat healthier, and that I get a little more exercise than walking Joelle to school everyday.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************

These events happened a few weeks ago. My dad is fine; he had a procedure the next day and has been slowing down a lot. I see things differently now, but like all kids I will have to find my own way to learn from what my father’s heart attack can teach me. I just hope I learn in time to teach Joelle a wee bit sooner and without the dramatics of a midnight call.

What about you.. what did a health crisis, yours or a family member’s, teach you about life?

About the author

Ella Rucker

View all articles by Ella Rucker »

Jana Chapline

View 7 months ago

Ella, we’ve never met but Rene is one of my favorite people in the world so I know you must be equally as wonderful. What a beautiful post. It’s so true that facing our parents’ mortality opens our eyes and hearts in ways we could never imagine. Sometimes in ways we didn’t want to imagine, other times in ways that we desperately needed and just didn’t know. I lost my dad over 15 years ago to cancer. My mother worried about dying young (her mom died at 53) so she has spent the better part of 30 years working on keeping her weight down, exercising, regular checkups, etc. She’s beaten breast cancer twice yet is terminally ill with lung cancer now. She’s never smoked, has no other risk factors, one of the unlucky ones it just happens to. I look back at how much stress, anxiety and work her efforts to stay healthy have been and I can’t help but wonder if any of it was worth the lack of enjoyment she often had over holidays because of the food. I know logically you can only control so much about your health and she did all the right things. She might not have made it this long without those efforts. But it makes me angry and sad that she was still worrying about whether she should make a strawberry pie on the very day she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She wanted some strawberry pie but worried about eating more than one piece and whether she could resist it. Do take care of your health, do all you need to in order to be there for your beautiful daughter and your family. But LIVE. And enjoy living! Best wishes that your dad continues to recover and you all can enjoy one another for many more years!
Ella Rucker

View 7 months ago

Jana, thanks for your kind words.

I’m sorry about your dad and your mom. I understand what you mean about the pie and about all of it. I truly plan on living life for myself and for my daughter and I hope your mom got a sliver of pie. It sounds like she probably makes a great one.