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Ask Rene: The Break-Up Blame Game

Ask Rene:
The Break-Up Blame Game

I met a guy about a year ago and we’ve been in love, but I fell pregnant and everything changed. He started pushing me away and so I found comfort from my ex, who seemed to understand my situation better. My ex knew that I was committed to my relationship and respected that. When my boyfriend found out about it, he got angry but we managed to sort it out but I found out he was seeing someone else already, as soon as I left home for school he brought up the issue again and this time he dumped me for it and saying that its all my fault and that he’s not the one who got me pregnant.

Am I really to blame here or did he just want to leave?

Looking for some answers


Dear LFSA:

Sounds like you’re a little confused and I don’t want to dump on you any more than necessary but WHAT THE HELL? There are a lot of things in your letter that give me cause for pause and even at the end, I have more questions than answers. I’ll try to piece together what I can and hope you are able to figure out a few things. You don’t mention your age but there are some cues in here that lead me to believe you might be young; we’ve all been there so I can’t fault you for being being confused. But you need to take stock of this situation, make some changes and learn how to keep from making the same mistakes. So here’s what I’m thinking..

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Let’s start here, shall we? I’m hoping this is just a figure of speech or a cute colloquialism because people don’t “fall pregnant”. There is a deliberate act involved and if you know you are going to do that act then you and your partner need to make sure you don’t end up pregnant. Sounds like that did not happen. What’s missing here is the crucial question.. is there a baby? Are you and his/her father working together to raise that child? Now, the fact that he accuses you of getting pregnant by someone else underscores a bigger issue, one of trust, which brings me to my next point.


Does that even matter? You sound like you’re trying to settle scores or grab the moral high ground. So what if he’s seeing someone else? You were too and it doesn’t matter that he was an ex who “understood your situation.” Honestly, I’m not even sure what that means; were you dating/sleeping together? Can you blame the current boyfriend for being upset about that? You don’t solve the problems in one relationship by taking them to another, yet that’s exactly what you did. Did you really think your ex was going to give you impartial advice? Probably not.


I’m still not sure if you have a child the thing is it really doesn’t matter WHY he left or who’s to blame. What matters is what you do from here. As I said, that starts with taking care of the baby. Cobble together a way to do that with the ex, the second one, not the first. Then you have to start making better decisions, starting with birth control. If you were on it when you got pregnant, next time use two forms; if you weren’t on it at all, then what were you thinking? Oh, and learn how to deal with your problems on your own; I’m not saying not to lean on people or ask for help, but you don’t always have to have a man in your life to get you through.

Good luck!

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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