Ask Rene: How Can I Get My Parents To Like My Boyfriend?

  Ask Rene:
How Can I Get My Parents To Like My Boyfriend?

 Hi Rene:

I need help.. I have been with Sam for more than two years and he has always treated me good. But then I started seeing a change in him and, it turns out, he was smoking pot! Well he started treating me bad so I was always depressed; my parents hated seeing me like that.

One day he broke up with me because he wanted to actully make a chage and turn his life around! Well im taking him back but my parents wont give him another chance to show them that he has changed.He has quit smoking pot and has quit treating me badly. I forgot to say that they dont like his family either because they are into drugs!

I just really, really need some help. I love this boy and I want them to understand that! What can I say to them to get them to allow me to see him? Please respond!

Anxious in Alabama

Dear Anxious:

Okay, my first question is, how old are you? I’m going to assume late teens or early 20′s;  I gather that because it sounds like the opinion of your parents is still pretty important to you and that’s good. Sometimes it’s nice to have a fresh pair of eyes, someone completely unconnected to the situation to give an honest assessment and that’s what I’m going to do. But fair warning: you might not be happy with what I’m going to say. Regardless, I do hope you’ll listen and give it a good think. Now about Sam….

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WHAT YOU SEE

 

Sam treated you well initially and because of that you know,  he has potential to do it again. He opened doors, treated to you meals, brought flowers, was considerate with the car radio, essentially all the things that people do when they start dating. Then the wheels came off when he started lighting up. He treated you poorly, went away, came back and swears things are going to be different. Uh huh….

WHAT YOUR FOLKS SEE

See that picture up there? This is what Sam looks like to them. Maybe not with the tattoo, the snarl and the Bad Santa suit but you get my point. They trusted that Sam was going to love and care for you as much as they do. You are important to them and no parent wants to see their kid get hurt. Yet that’s what Sam did. He won your affection then stomped on your heart and blamed it on drugs. Now he says he’s clean but ask yourself this; can you really blame your folks for being skeptical? He’s had trouble with drugs, he comes from a family of people who do drugs and he’s hurt you before. Now  he says he’s changed; are you really having trouble seeing why they don’t like him? Because I’m not. Not even a little bit.

WHAT I SEE

Now this is the part you’re not going to like. You can, should and do deserve better. So smoking pot changed him? Yeah, I call B.S. on that. Drugs and alcohol don’t change people as much as they lower inhibitions and reveal the real person. The fact that he comes from a family who is comfortable doing drugs (breaking the law) should flesh out this picture a little more for you.

You need to decide right now, what the rest of your life is going to look like. I’m not saying to NOT give Sam a chance, but in the words of President Ronald Reagan, trust but verify. Let Sam change (and make sure it sticks) before you take him back. His word is mud right now, to your parents and it should be to you too. Let him show his intentions with actions, not just talk about them.

Good luck to you!

What about you guys at home.. what would you say to Anxious in Alabama if she were your daughter? Leave a comment here or on the Facebook page and don’t forget to follow along on Twitter.

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Rene Syler is a wife, mother, breast cancer advocate and television personality whose burning desire to tell the truth about modern motherhood led her to create GoodEnoughMother.com. When not spending time with her family or burning something for dinner, Rene travels the country as host of Sweet Retreats on The Live Well Network and Exhale on Aspire.

8 Comments

  1. Sandy Seale

    October 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Renee hit the nail on the head as usual. Once trust has been broken its hard to regain. It can be done but not overnight. I think on some level you know your parents have legitimate reasons for not wanting you to jump back into the relationship full force. If you would take off your rose-colored glasses for a moment I think you’d understand the issues, if you don’t already but just choose to ignore them. Can you honestly say you are 100% sure he’s changed, put all of that behind him, & will never hurt you again? You can’t know that for a period of time where he continues to prove it to you & your parents. The fact his family is involved in the problem makes it even more doubtful. Not saying it can’t be done; just “time will tell”. If he really cares about you & has changed then he shouldn’t have a problem with you needing time to see it for yourself. Hurt me once shame on you; hurt me twice shame on me…..should be your mantra for now.

  2. Glenda Mann

    January 10, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I say: Since you both still want to be together. Let him prove himself in his manhood, Make him sign a contract with both your parents as witnesses, have him get it notarized. have him visit you at home with your parents present for a period of time…say one year. If he doesnt agree with that, then he’s not the one for you. What do you want anyway? a pedigree or a mutt? Designer jeans or knockoffs? You have to be more worthy to yourself, don’t let anyone turn you into what you are not comfortable with…Sometimes Love loves who it wants to, no matter what the dangers. We are living in an evil day, just be careful.

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