DAVE MANOUCHERI
He takes what I honestly think is a creative and novel approach. In it, he tells his son he’s not angry: right approach. The angrier I’ve gotten the less my kids hear when they are right in front of me. But the writer glosses over real life, in a big way. Would his son want his sister treated this way? This is a moment to tell them how sex is a shared moment. A computer can be replaced, but the damage for not knowing about what you’re seeing can leave damage forever (Read more of Dave here and on his site, Our Story Begins).
WILL JONES
Dad’s doing a good job, but his discussion is one-sided. I’d say it’s time to drag Mom in for some good-cop-bad-cop. Junior needs to learn that there’s a gray area between “normal” and “socially acceptable”. Yes, this may be something that everyone does, but that doesn’t make it okay to pull a Peewee Herman at the local library. Having his actions explained by his dad and then dissected by his mom while he is present will give him a wholly different perspective on his new-found hobby (Read more of Will here on the site).
MIKE McGINLEY
No, Irrelevant Ninja didn’t handle the situation right as a whole. Recommending “safe” porn sites for him doesn’t jive with me. It’s great that the dad sat back, thought about the situation, and was honest with the teen; being reasonable and realistic as a parent is great and really helps build strong relationships in families. But the dad has no business encouraging the watching of porn because, in my view, this leads to sex at too young an age.
I do respect the dad for not telling his wife, however, because I believe there are some things that should stay between father and son or mother and daughter. Props to the dad for not breaking “man code” on this one (More about Mike can be found
here).
STONEY REYNOLDS
In my opinion a resounding “NO”
This father seems to be more worried about the “$1800 machine” than the short and long term effects of pornography on such a young male. I would have gone to him and asked why he was surfing pornography and how I could answer any questions he had about either the acts themselves or the shallowness of the relationships represented. Then I would explain to him that pornography can hinder a persons healthy sexual development as well as social development.
BENNETT CUNNINGHAM
No, I don’t think it was the right way to handle it. I do not believe in the 2-dimensional theory of “parenting by paper.” In my opinion, a note stuck to a computer that porn is bad and I won’t tell mom teaches the adolescent teenager that dad is also embarrassed to talk about it – like it’s a sinful secret. Really? How about a face-to-face conversation from the get go? Pornography, in many forms, is harmless as it is entertaining. But, in its hardcore form, porn can be misogynic and breed hatred and violence toward women. This teenager needs to understand the beauty of sexual intercourse and it’s meaning both physical and emotional.
TREY BURLEY
No, if that were my son I would’ve had a talk with him instead. It’s not necessarily evil, but porn can be a poison to some people and control or ruin their lives. The social morals and how that young man would grow up to treat women also need to be considered. Sex and desire is normal for adults. Children though don’t understand the power that it can have over them, which will in turn shape their lives. Side note: Fascinating article about the psychological behaviors of heavy porn users online. Their concentration on all things got worse, they got moody, sexual habits got more and more extreme and other things that lead credence to the ‘gateway drug’ theory (Read more of Trey on his site, DaddyMojo.net)
RANDY BACON
I say no for several reasons but for these three reasons specifically:
- Morality. He never mentioned what the moral standard and expectations of his family are.
- Legality. Most states have laws restricting minors from such sites and usually require some sort of warning prohibiting from allowing minors to enter or view. I’m not a lawyer but I doubt the law will give you a pass to allow your child to access adult sites so you then are legally in violation of the laws protecting minors from porn.
- Passive Parenting. ”I would really like you to not be back there so much”(in my whinniest, punk-esh voice) should be replaced with “You are spending too much of your time on the computer. It’s time you and I get better acquainted.”
Sounds to me like dad wants to be buddies and might be missing out on an opportunity to help craft a man.
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Sooooooooo, there you go, looks like our dad in question has a little more work to do, at least according to our guys. Although a creative way to communicate with your child, it’s missing the sensitivity of a face-to-face interaction giving the son time to ask questions and, more importantly, have the issue brought into the open.
Your turn.. how would you have handled this? Have you ever run into this with your kids? Sound off!
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I think he did the right thing so his son wouldn’t break the computer
Maybe Dad should not have handled the porn issue this way. He is playing a part in a bigger issue and addiction comes to mind and stays there. Why not tell him that he should not be looking at porn and do something to block the sites instead of enabling his son to view “safe” sites. He has to teach him right from wrong because wrong is always around and he has access to that stuff all the time. Children need to be children and porn is for people who can make decisions for themselves about how they want to live their sex lives. Come on Daddy… Be a Daddy…
Yep, Hope. When your kid is 13, you have to be a parent, not a friend.