HELP! My daughter started seeing a guy (her first boyfriend) when she was 17 against our wishes. We tried to make them break up but she said she’d kill herself or runaway if we called the law on him. So we just hoped it would play out.
I felt like something was wrong with him so ran background check, found out he is 28, has no job, no phone, no car, no money and lives with grandmother. His background check says he’s been in prison two times for drugs and bad checks. The day our daughter turned 18, she got mouthy and hateful, packed her bags and moved in with my parents, against our wishes.
Now, my parents talk down about her dad and me and tell her she doesn’t have to even listen to us because she is grown. We took away her car because he was driving it on our insurance and our dime but ended up giving it back for her safety; she’s in college and was walking at night. When we took her car, her boyfriend got mad and tried to press charges on me for “harassing” my daughter when I was only calling her on the phone to make sure she was okay. I’ve already canceled her insurance but my parents added her on their policy. I am not going to give her any more money ever. I will only pay for her orthodontist and that’s it.
She is planning on marrying and supporting him. He is a lazy, no good bum and I think he is on drugs. My daughter is a good girl; she works and goes to college but lets him brainwash her into hating her dad and me. She has changed her cell number and refuses to talk to or even look at us. I want her to come home but if she won’t, then I at least want a relationship with her.
I am just about crazy. What do we do? Let her marry him and say nothing? I think me always telling her how it is as I see it is what ran her off to begin with. I am scared for her safety.
Panicked in Pittsburgh
I wish I had a dollar for every letter I got from a mother, worried that her daughter was getting involved with a bad seed. If I did, I’d be able to put my kids through college and then some, I kid you not. But all the stories are a little bit different and each one involves someone’s kid. I know you are losing sleep over this, I know you are anguished and I know you’ve come to me for some straight talk; I hope you’re ready because the gloves are coming off. The way I see it, you’ve got to deal with this issue on a number of fronts.