The guy she had an affair with is interested in me and I am interested in him. He and I have lots of things in common and really enjoy each others’ company.
I am trying to figure out how to tell my sister about this. I haven’t spoken to her about it because I don’t know how to. I know she had strong feelings for him.
Please give me some words of advice. I know the saying goes “blood is thicker than water” but if she is working on her marriage should this be an issue? If she is happy why can’t I be happy as well?
Deserve To Be Happy Too
Sorry about that.. *regaining composure*
This is not the first letter I’ve gotten like this, which makes me more than a little concerned. Where is the common sense in here? There are about 1,001 reasons this will never work; here are a few reasons this is as screwed up as a soup sandwich.
YOUR SISTER: If I were your sister I would be looking for ways to get as far away from that marital mistake. Then here comes you, asking if you can flaunt it (and him) at every family barbeque? How exactly do you think that is going to go over? I’ll give you a hint. Not well.
THIS DUDE: What’s with him? Aren’t you at all curious about why, of all the women in the world, he wants to date the sister of the woman with whom he had an affair? Come on now, let’s put away the fantasy world and get into the real one. Use your critical thinking skills here and give this dude a set of side-eyes. And he cheated once; you think the sex and all the “things you have in common” is going to keep him faithful, especially around the women with whom he was already failed temptation? Oh geez.
YOU! You say your sister and you are very close. I call bullsh*t. I have a sister too. And we are close, like you say you and your sister are. But if I ever thought to date one of her exes (which I would never do anyway), that closeness would go the way of the dinosaur; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. You’ve heard of the Golden Rule? Paraphrasing it means, treat others the way you want to be treated. Now, imagine if it was you who had a momentary lapse in judgment, decided to try to work it out with your husband and your sister, the one with whom you are so close, decided to start parading around the guy who nearly put the nail in the coffin of your marriage. Really? How do you think you would feel?
There are others who’ll be affect too. How about your sister’s husband, you know the one she cheated on with the guy you’re interested in? You think they’re gonna do the bro-in-law thing, hanging out at pool halls, knocking back a few? I’m no Good Enough Guy but even I can see how this is gonna go down.
You wrote in asking for my advice so here it is. I don’t care if this guy is the last man standing, if you value your relationship with your sister, you will run far and run fast. If you’re already involved (and it sounds like you are) break it off now. Delete his phone number and put your feet in ice water every time you start to think of him. There are a lot of great men out there.. and not ones who’ve had a shaky (shady) start with your family. Now, go out and find one.
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