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Hey Rene, ever had a question like this? Having sex with my man is very good. We connect on almost every level, but I have one major problem. He won’t kiss me during sex. I have asked him why and he tells me that he just isn’t “that kind of guy,” but one of the things that intrigued me the most about him when we met was this great passionate kiss we had that lasted for hours. What can I do to get him to understand I really need the kissing, too?
Dear Needing More:
Oh man, if there was ever a question that had Good Enough Guy written all over it, it would be this one. I might be able to help you explain to him why it’s important to you but I’m going to leave the WHY it’s happening to Will and the rest of the Good Enough Mother man-panel.
I’ve only been married once but I have learned a thing or two in that nearly two decades and one of them very recently. Sometimes it takes a minute to get Buff’s attention. He’s so busy and now working hard to get his own business off the ground, I almost have to prance naked in front of the big screen with sparklers in both hands to do that. It doesn’t mean that he’s not interested; what it means is that he is not in the “zone”. Okay so here’s what I would do if I were you.
TALK, TALK, TALK: I know I’ve said this before but I do it because it’s so important. You need to chat with him about what you want, no NEED during those intimate times. If he wasn’t “doin’ it right” you’d tell him. He loves you, wants to please and make you feel good so tell him what that’s gonna take.
LESS PERFUNCTORY SEX: Look, sometimes you want a steak dinner but only have time for Burger King. In other words, the long, drawn-out love-making that you used to relish on Friday night or Saturday morning, or both, has given way to the more, how shall I say, “functional” sex. Nothing wrong with it but it shouldn’t all be like ordering a la carte from the menu at The Brooklyn Diner. Time to switch it up a bit.
GET OUT OF THE ROUTINE: Yep. Pack a bag. Get a sitter. Head to the casino at the border. Have a great meal, throw away some money, toss back a few drinks along with your hair, flirt with your husband then go upstairs and have sex like a couple of teenagers. Get it? Change the environment, relax and have fun. Get away from the kids and out of mommy-mode; you might surprise yourself and him, with what you get.
So that’s it from MY perspective. Of course, I will defer to Good Enough Guy and the rest of the GEM man panel for the male point of view. In the meantime, good luck, mommy!