The GEM Debate: Would You Let Your Teen Have Sex In Your Home?

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The GEM Debate:
Would You Let Your Teen Have Sex In Your Home?

Since I was out of pocket a good part of the day yesterday shooting a segment for the upcoming Father Albert Show (more on that later but you can see some of the behind the scenes pictures here), one of the loyal GEM’s left a link to this story on my Facebook page. Let me say it’s a good thing I watched the piece after a good night’s sleep and on an empty stomach.

The story is about the growing number of parents who are allowing their teens to have sex in their own homes. Go ahead and insert the sound of screeching tires here!

Okay you all know where I stand on sex education and the abstinence debate; I honestly don’t believe saying, “Don’t do it!” is enough to keep your kids from hooking up. Therefore I think you need to arm them with the right tools, answer every question they have and then some (including making sure they know what your expectations and beliefs are) and then keep a (close) watch on them.

This is way too close to those parents who let their kids drink in the home, using the excuse that, “Well they’re going to do it anyway, they might as well be safe.” How are you so sure they’re going to do it anyway? And shouldn’t you be telling your kids that this is unacceptable and how disappointed you are/will be if they indulge? Should you be parenting based on your kids’ safety and development (moral and otherwise) as opposed to what everyone else is doing?

So for me, I’m gonna give this idea a big, fat fail! I will make sure my kids have sex education, all the condoms they need, birth control pills and more BUT I refuse to give them approval to do the deed in my home.

Okay, that’s my take, what about you? Would you ever allow your teenager to have sex under your roof? Why or why not? Fire away…

 

 

 

Rene Syler is a wife, mother, breast cancer advocate and television personality whose burning desire to tell the truth about modern motherhood led her to create GoodEnoughMother.com. When not spending time with her family or burning something for dinner, Rene travels the country as host of Sweet Retreats on The Live Well Network and Exhale on Aspire.

16 Comments

  1. Irene

    June 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Well by Gem…

    I will promote abstinence….
    I will promote safe sex……
    I will teach about diseases……..

    But, the deed will not be done under our roof and/or with my blessings…..

  2. america

    June 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    for a second I thougth about this then I remembered my adopted child….AND THE ANSWER IS NO…I DONT EVEN LET THE CATS…SO…NOPE

  3. Smarty P. Jones

    June 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Wait, what? Did I read that right? They ALLOW their kids to do it at home? I obviously moved to the Twilight Zone or something.

    Full disclosure, as a younger person, I did have sex in my father’s house. On nights I was feeling extra adventurous (and foolish) he was at home. But he did not, I repeat, NOT, give me permission.

    What is up with some of these parents? If you think by allowing this behavior in any way makes it safer, you’re kidding yourself. If anything it makes it more dangerous because now it is perceived that you’re cool with it all.

    Whatever happened to the days when parents and kids discussing sex was awkward and painful? I’m not sure I want to live in a world where people discuss sex with their kids like they’re in a dorm room.

  4. DawnKA

    June 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    No!!! Teenagers will have to find a way to make that happen somewhere just like the other teens of years gone by who had to sneak around. I could not knowingly be okay with it in my home. I have my standards and I wont compromise on them to be a cool/hip mom.

  5. Sherilynn

    June 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Irene,
    AMEN!!!!! I will do my best to give you knowledge to live a healthy productive life, but HECK NO! Youre not getting my blessing on that! I mean that with all honesty.

    Sherilynn

  6. dianthe

    June 23, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    that would be my reaction if my teenager came to me and asked me if they could have sex in my house – and you’d better believe that there will NEVER be a time in my life where i will go to my teen and say “well, since you’re gonna do it anyway, you and bf/gf can just do it here …” – and while we’re on the subject, how does one go about having that conversation? as a 16 year old, i can’t imagine anything more awkward than walking into my house and saying, “hi mom – we’re just gonna go down the hall to my room and close the door – don’t disturb us for an hour or so …” – please.

    i am all for discussing sex with your children and having open dialogue – in fact, i welcome it – i want my kids to feel like they can discuss sex and and birth control and anything else that comes up in the course of their lives – but that doesn’t mean i’m going to encourage them or even make it easy for them to make bad decisions – if your kid wanted to drop out of college, would you encourage it by saying “and you can come home and live rent free because i wouldn’t want you living on the streets”? – these people need to get a grip – our kids need structure and guidance, not another “best friend”!

  7. vanzell

    June 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    to the question from my teen: my first reaction would be a veeeerrry looooonnnnng blank stare straight into their eyes… then, i MIGHT be prone to reach back into my early twenties and resurrect my favorite cuss word, but i would do my absolute best to not to go there by taking a parental time out…
    i teach abstinence in terms of the ability to afford ANY outcomes that may arise from the activity, that sexual behavior according to my rules for our home and my teen as a minor under my care and guidance. how the lessons that i have learned should be a guide for their behavior and know that there is more harm than good that comes out of immature sexual activity and at no time will i ever endorse the activity and especially in my home. but more than all of that, they are taught the principles of our faith to include sexual relations. they know and will know (for the younger ones) what safe sex is but will also know the difference between safe sex and best sex.
    when they are grown and gone, they will decide for themselves how to handle their bodies but until then, their dependence on me as a parent includes my rules and guidelines for how to live a joyful and peaceable life in all areas of their life. i am the parent responsible for their well-being and when they are ready to take the reigns of their life, i will gladly let go of them…

  8. Rene Syler

    June 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    @vanzell; yeah I’m with ya on he favorite cuss word. You go back 20 years; my journey would be far shorter.. THX!

  9. Victor Hogan

    June 23, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    this is crazy….
    some of those teens made more sense than the parents.

    i don’t know how to respond to this. i’m still in ((((shock))))

    my answer would be a definite NO! 1st of all teenagers should not be having sex! they’re still developing mentally. that could scar them and cause soooo many relationship issues down the line. i have so much more i could say on this… it would be a book if i wrote it all. so i’ll simply stick with my NO! i’ll teach my kids everything they need to know about sex but they won’t be doing it until they’re out of my house, paying their own bills.

  10. m.e. johnson

    June 23, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    I’ve known plenty parents of boys who didn’t care. The girl was no concern of theirs. And if she got preggers, well she was a tramp anyway, it wasn’t their son’s baby. I imagine not a lot has changed there.

    My sons didn’t even bother to have a thought about it in my presence. When we talked about girls I would ask how they’d like their sister to be treated. When one came home with his wife, he asked if they could sleep in the same room.

  11. James W

    June 24, 2011 at 7:18 am

    No.No.No How in the world could a parent, and I say PARENT be okay knowing that their daughter is upstairs being tossed around by someone that probably won’t be there 10 years from now. What has happened to values..and when did it become okay to make a child “comfortable” in that regard..are they paying any bills, putting food on the table? Call me old fashioned, but I have respect for my parents and even to this day that is not something I need my mother hearing..what is she supposed to do..say that’s my boy? Not to be judgemental, but I think looking at the lady in the video that was okay with that makes me feel maybe she’s okay with her child doing what she did…just saying. The thrill back in the day was not to get caught, but how do you enter someone’s home,greet their folks, “hey how ya doing, I gotta go to practice so we are gonna go do this, we won’t make as much noise this time”..parent-“oh go ahead, plenty of condoms in the drawer and we got ya some fresh sheets,smokes are there as well and I got that Gin you like so much..but remember thats my baby girl..go easy. Alright I think I made my point..wake up parents…

  12. Will

    June 24, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Oh HELL NO. If my son or daughter go to sleep and dream they had sex in my house, they better be scared to wake up.

  13. Christina Gleason @ Cutest Kid Ever

    July 4, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    I’m with you, Rene. I want my son to be informed and to feel comfortable TALKING to us about sex, but he should not be bringing girls home to hook up in the house. When he goes off to college and starts making his own adult decisions, he can bring his girlfriend to his dorm. Whatever. But while he’s living at home, he is my child, not an adult.

  14. wakeup america

    November 18, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Sorry but it’s society which needs to change and most people are a bunch of brain washed sheep. Isn’t it ironic that in the US we have the highest pregnancy rate compared to other countries where sex is more open and talked about. Everyone develops at their own level, and to say that your to young to have sex is ignorant! We are spiritual beings and sex is a vital part of our spiritual development. There are old souls who come into this world years ahead of their time. Ever wonder why indigo or crystal children who have often been given labels such as Asperger’s or high functioning autism are so clingy and affectionate?? There is no set age as to when someone is ready to engage is sexual activity and it’s messed up that kids have no sexual rights. Many kids are sexual from an early age, yet adults give them the message that sex is shameful and bad! I was sexual at age 8, and when there were adults present we would always try to cover up and act like the “innocent little” kids they perceived us to be! True innocence is lack of guilt, not lack of knowledge!! Instead of educating kids to make responsible choices for the 1 they love only, and whom they are ready for and about safety you send them bad negative messages instead! You are are more concerned about kids seeing a sexual scene in a movie of 2 people making innocent love to each other then you are of them seeing killing and violence. You think you know what is going on with your kids??? You have no idea!!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!! Drugs, pot, alcohol in itself is now a bigger problem then ever, and the majority of 6-7th grades who were against drugs from your parenting and teaching will SUDDENLY by 8-10th grade be reprogrammed by their pairs all using it’s now ok. And that is where their personality starts changing, they start making poor choices and having unprotected sex with multiple other partners who use drugs and carry diseases. I know a kid in middle school who got herpes from 1 dirty girl he was, and then he infected 28 other boys in the school engaging in oral sex! The problems we face are now bigger then ever BECAUSE you don’t speak the truth or educate kids properly!

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