Hey Rene,

I’m single and childless but my married sister, Caroline, has three kids, ages 3, 5, and 7. The kids are adorable but can’t seem to sit quietly when we go out to eat. They run around the restaurant screaming and bumping into other diners. My sister says nothing. Last week an annoyed diner yelled at the kids and actually told my sister that she needed to control her “little monsters”. My sister was insulted, so we paid the check, collected the kids and left.

The funny thing is I agreed with the annoyed diner! When I’m out at a restaurant with parents who let their kids run wild or scream at the top of their lungs while others are dining it drives me crazy.

Do you think I have the right to tell other parents to control their children and should I tell my sister that her kids are out of control?

Debbie, Ohio


Dear Debbie:

Okay there are two issues here: Annoying kids at restaurants and whether you have a right to say something. Here’s my take on both and what I think you can do.

KIDS IN RESTAURANTS: This is a question we have actually dealt with before here on Good Enough Mother. As I stated then, I friggin’ HATE it when kids run rampant in restaurants; that’s what playgrounds and church are for. Okay, kidding about the latter. But just as it’s out of place for kids to be darting in and out of the pews, it is also wrong for them to do so in a place where people are carrying hot plates. It’s dangerous, rude and wrong and I can only assume the parents who allow it have never been food servers; otherwise they would understand the inherent danger. I worked my way through college waiting tables at TGI Fridays. That job was hard enough without having to worry whether I was going to trip over a toddler whose parents didn’t see the harm in letting the tyke wander around while they finished their leisurely lunch.

YOUR RIGHT TO SPEAK UP: While I think you have a right to say something to the parents of the tiny terrors, understand they also have a right to tell you to mind your own business or worse, to “eff off.”  Personally I think a better way to handle it would be to speak to the restaurant manager because after all, it is his or her job to ensure each diner has a pleasant experience.

Your sister is another matter all together. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you when you go out to eat with her and she lets her kids run like wildebeests on the Serengeti and that until she teaches them to behave better, you won’t be going out with them anymore. Of course, choosing restaurants that are more kid-friendly can also solve this problem; there’s no shortage of places that have indoor playgrounds for kids to run off some of that excess energy.  But if you’re hoping for adult conversation in an atmosphere of fine dining, make a reservation FOR TWO and leave the kids at home.

I want to close with a plea for all parents. Just as we ask those who may not have kids to be patient and understanding, it’s also up to us to also be mindful of them. If you know you are going to a restaurant with your kids, bring books, coloring or otherwise, iPad’s, magic tricks and whatever you need to make sure that they stay in their seats until everyone is finished eating and don’t provide a danger or disruption to diners. In other words, be considerate of everyone else and teach your children to do the same.

Good luck Debbie, and everyone else, for that matter.

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