My boyfriend and I have been together all through high school. He’s really sweet and a great guy. We both go to high school in Valdosta, Georgia. We’ve always lived close to each other and in a fairly small town and we wanted go to college in the city.
We both applied to Georgia State University in Atlanta but only I got in.
He got into the local college and he wants to go there and have me go there too so we can stay together. I love him but I still want to go to the city. It is only a few hours away and I would come see him all the time but I want to try living somewhere other than Valdosta (not that I don’t like Valdosta).
I’m excited but my boyfriend is worried I’ll get all caught up in the city and the new people and he doesn’t really want to do a long distance relationship. I don’t want to break up over this but I really want to try living in the city. Rene, what should I do?
Thanks so much for writing. You ask me what you should do. Honey, I can’t answer that question for you, but I can tell you what I would do. I would pack my car, buy my books and high tail it for Atlanta and Georgia State University. Here’s why.
LIVE FOR YOU: This is probably a new concept because until now you have lived with your parents your whole life. But standing on the other side of this issue I can tell you there is a very small window in your life when you will be able to do this. That window is about to open and I suggest, no BEG you take full advantage. You see, you’re 17 or 18 now; by the time you’re 28 or 30 you will probably be married or well on your way to the altar. A kid or two later in the next four of years will have you dying for some peace and quiet. It will be that was for the next 18 years. And even when they’re grown and gone, they’ll never be far away. Do you see what I’m saying? You have a chance to be completely selfish and tend to your needs, wants and desires without concern about how others will be affected. Seize it.
DO NOT SETTLE FOR A MAN WHO WILL HOLD YOU BACK: You’ve been with your boyfriend all through high school and he loves and cares for you deeply. But it is an immature love because if it was a mature love, not only would he want you to go, he would be happy for you. He would be secure enough in the relationship to let you go and unable to stand the thought of you not reaching your full potential, especially if he was to blame. In suggesting you to go to school with him, he is trying to tighten the grip on your relationship and by extension, you. He’s nervous you might meet someone else and leave him or that the two of you will grow apart. Those are all very valid concerns and could well happen. I’m not so sure that’s not a bad thing.
TIME FOR A BREAK: I know this sounds really harsh but stay with me for a minute. You have been with your boyfriend all through high school. You have never dated anyone else, may have never even kissed anyone other than him. Remember when I started this answer I said to live for you? Well that includes widening your social circle and yes, dating other people. That’s not to say you two won’t end up together but I think it’s quite healthy for you both to take a little breather. It might even foster a whole new appreciation for one another.
Megan, you have the first of what will be many big life decisions before you. But in all of those, you won’t go wrong if you do what’s in your heart, what you REALLY want to do. If you want to go to school in Atlanta, don’t let anything, including a long time boyfriend stop you. Yes, there might be pain and heartache and yes, you might break up, but I can promise you this; you will always wonder what could have been if you don’t go for the brass ring now. Good luck!
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