Because GEM Isn’t Taking It Anymore!
GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER was rushing around yesterday, having been called into CNN at the last minute. That meant I had about 30 minutes to shower, change out of my sweaty workout clothes, slap on some make-up and get behind the wheel of my car and point it toward the big city.
I made it, like I always do and as I was walking into the studio, I caught my reflection in the building’s large window. My hair was wild and untamed, a perfect reflection of my personality as it is now – and my clothes, easy and carefree, a reflection of what I want my personality to ultimately be. I am about 180 degrees from what I was when I left the world of TV news behind four years ago. Gone is the timid woman I used to be, trying to please corporate bosses who didn’t understand me or really want to for that matter.
CNN had asked me to come on and talk about a blog post I wrote on Rod Stewart becoming a dad once again. I used that news as a jumping off point to talk about my own life being married and having children with an older man.
I had a great time explaining the issues I face in my own life with my husband who is about 14 years older than me. When I got home and logged on to my site, I saw this comment from some guy named Homer:
As I watched you on CNN I was wondering what makes you an authority on anything and why wouldn’t you do something with that awful looking mange of an afro hair do. Disgusting!
So this is an open letter to him:
Dear Homer:
I debated whether to answer publicly, if at all but I do think it’s important that people get a chance to see the comments we in the public eye are subjected to from people with a little of what I call “keyboard courage”.
Really Homer, mange? That’s the best you could come up with? And why is that? Because of what my natural hair looks like as it grows out of my head? Perhaps you, like so many of the news executives I worked for in the past would rather my locks be straight, achieved through chemicals that burn the skin and scalp and damage the hair. No thanks, been there, done that. But the part of your comment that was side splittingly comical was this:
“As I watched you on CNN I was wondering what makes you an authority on anything…”
Now that you ask, Homer I am an authority on quite a few things. I know first hand what it’s like to lose your hair, since that happened to me while I was trying to fit into the narrow standard of beauty that those aforementioned news executives were most comfortable with. I know what it’s like to have to make the agonizing decision to removes one’s diseased breasts so that I can be around a long, long time for my children and husband.
And speaking of them, if there is an authority on this household and how it runs, the people in it and what makes them tick, that person is me. You were thinking of someone else perhaps?
And damn straight, I am an authority on being Good Enough. I know what it’s like to work and plan for months for your kid’s birthday party only to have something go wrong, through not fault of your own. I know what it’s like to try to soothe a broken heart, crushed by a big fight with a best friend. I know what it’s like to cry with the man you love the night before a life-altering surgery. And I know what it’s like to have to take potshots, complete with racist undertones, from people protected by the anonymity of their laptops. Because of that, I also know one of the most important things of all, to keep my eyes on the prize.
So in short, I thank you. Thank you for watching the whole CNN segment and for being hacked off enough to write. You have helped to remind me that I am an expert, in several things, including how to be gracious and kind even to those who may not deserve it.
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Good for you, Rene! You are an intelligent, wonderful and beautiful human being inside and out, and a great role model for women and especially moms! You have done more “living” in your years than most of us do in a lifetime, and you have valuable insights to offer to any conversation.
Plus, your hair is FABULOUS! Makes me wish I had mange!
I’m so proud of you because you handled this entire thing with dignity and grace. Your open letter has caused me to re-think the plan that I had to deal with the racism that I tolerate at work. Your blogs are inspirational and I look forward to them and also your FB updates. You are a true GEM in every sense of the word. Tina
This is why I love you Rene!! Great response.
Girrrrrl, you are a better woman than I.
I would have become REAL common on him. Thank goodness there are still real ladies out there like you.
All I could say after that is…Rene Syler for President! Rene, you truly are a gem!
I LIKED THAT!!!
Yes Rene,
Wow, what a comeback!!! I know that in this country people have freedom of speech, but at the same time, this moron needs to be educated in the meaning of the word “mange”. It’s sooo obvious where he went with that!!! Thanks for telling him and with class as always! Cheers to the head GEM.
Obviously, CNN felt that you had a good enough opinion to be invited on their show to discuss the subject. You clearly used your own experience in the most thoughtful and light hearted way to describe the reason for your opinion – a valid one which may not apply to all but a valid one nonetheless.
Rene, as I applaud your “rising above” the guy with your rebuttal, I must say that I don’t understand why you felt the need to reply back to this stranger to “explain” yourself. I bet he wasn’t the only one who commented. Is it because it’s negative?. You are a person who has a voice that is often critical towards other strangers called “celebrities” like Kate Gossellin for example, you must know that it’s a given that not everyone will like you or what you’re about. Are you replying and replaying this because you feel you don’t deserve to be criticized?. But the people on whose lives you write about/comment on do?. How do you think they feel about what you & everyone else say about them?. Words are powerful and full of energy, so don’t dish them out if you can’t take them. Even if you get paid for it.
I tell you the truth!! These “e-ballers” are really something. They seat behind a computer and grow world wide web balls and feel like they can hate on people who are doing great things, but they would dare not say anything as foolish to your face. As a man I love your style, hair and everything you are doing. Please keep being you. Obviously CNN didn’t have a problem with it. KEEP BEING GOOD ENOUGH RENE!
sit*
Renee, your hair is beautiful. I’ve been wearing my hair natural for over ten years and love it! I’m willing to bet “Homer” is dealing with self-hate issues. I congratulate you on your new self-discovery. Your response was great. Keep up the good work.
Thanks Becky:
I responded because I wanted to shine a light on even the subtle racism that this letter contained. I have been in TV a long, long time and I wish I had a buck or each time someone was critical of me. Oh man, do I ever. But the sad thing here is no matter how accomplished you are or what you are talking about (in this case my own life) there are those, emboldened by their anonymity, who will take cheap shots based on your race. And while I have been critical of Kate Gosselin, it was always about what she DOES not who she is; in other words, the things she has the power to change. Hard to change the color of your skin or the texture of your hair, which I wouldn’t choose to do, even though it’s low hanging fruit for the haters.
Thanks for your opinion
Wow…I would love to see his reply on this one. Handled very well!!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rene Syler, Rene Syler and Rene Syler, Smarty P. Jones. Smarty P. Jones said: AWESOME! RT @goodenufmother: OH HELL TO THE NO! Because GEM ain't takin' it anymore! THE TRANSFORMATION OF RENE – http://tinyurl.com/3a9dbcx [...]
A most eloquent, appropriate, and focused response, Rene…keep doing what you do, and being yourself!!
I thought mange caused baldness? You don’t look bald to me. If someone is going to spout hate they oughta have their facts straight.
Nice comeback.
@ Chris, you made me LOL with the “world wide web balls” comment.. oh man
Go Get ‘em Rene!!! Love what you are doing on all fronts! The reality is more should be like you! Besides your hair was only crazy cause you brain was bursting with insightful and common humanity thoughts!
Amen Amen Amen …. I’ve been watching Rene on TV for a long time (back in her Dallas days) and I love her more now more than ever because I love her “carefree GEM attitude”.
Keep “doing you” Rene… the GEM that you are ! hair and all .
Your experiences are no different than those who listen to you as you portay yourself as trianed,experienced,qualified lifes coach with taint of psyhcology thrown in when infact your just another taliking head who is not qualified to offer advice to anyone. The experiences you hang your hat on are everyday experiences that given time everyone deals with. You are a charlatan bordering narcissist.
If the thgings you have mentioned were supposed to make me stand at attention it did not work. My family and myself have endured far more than the best you have to offer and now I find you more insulting and repulsive than before. The differenece is intelligent people who do not manifest the personal short comings you do keep those issues to themselves and those closest to them. On the other hand get some more of your underqualified self. You are laughable.
Renee, you are such an inspiration to the world. Not just to us here but to the world. You are carefree and I love it. It’s totally you and I enjoy your good humor. You have faced adversity and you are still here when others doubted you. God has held you in his arms because your work and your message to the world is not done! So please keep doing what you do. I will always be a fan! Rock the natural girl! See u soon. Janell
Jn
Pie-yow, baby…and thanks for standing up for the rest of us victims of those “aforementioned news executives”…
homer, ever heard of a dictionary?!?!?!? you can get one at the library you know!
Go get ‘em my friend!!!
Homer….Freedom of speech…but this one time Homer shut the f up!!
My dear Homer, I’m not Renee so I will say what I want because I, like you, don’t have to worry about internet etiquette. You are a mean and miserable son of a ….. You clearly have issues with women being in the forefront especially articulate women. I won’t rest my hat on calling you a racist because you are more than a racist and you know this. Why would you attack Renee like this? You are a coward. With a lot of mommy, women and race issues within yourself. In short you are a mess. Get to stepping punk! While Renee continues sharing her life with those of us who love and appreciate her. Better yet, keep watching and following her blogs. You too are a secret fan of Hers but your cowardly and bigoted ways won’t allow you to admit it openly. By the way, my name is Janell Robinson and I approve of my own
message
Hi Homer,
I’m a former TV journalist myself (local stations–not network like Rene was), now a medical writer/editor for physicians and the pharmaceutical industry. Just curious: do you know the definition of “mange”? For the record, I can tell you that it has NOTHING to do with the size or condition of someone’s afro–just mentioning that since knowing the difference (or not), would determine (at least for me) whether your comments were racially tinged or not.
Your comments come across as very personal rather than constructive criticism. Just saying…
Here’s what I don’t get … if this “Homer” person is so not “into Rene” then why on earth do they bother commenting on HER SITE, with HER OPINIONS, with HER THOUGHTS, perhaps Homer is more intrigued by Rene than what they may want to admit.
Read his response again, this time imagining him speaking with the voice of Homer Simpson. Hilarious.
Rene, don’t bother. He’s a troll.
Your response to Homer was “out of the ball park”! Good for you! You only confirmed that you are “Good Enough Mother, wife, teacher, daughter and human being.” You know I have worn my hair “natural” (long & short) for over 45 yrs. because it is who I am and I am very comfortable in my own skin and my God given natural beauty! People label it an “Afro”; I call it “natural”. Go girl…..you are the “bomb”!
Wow, so much has been said here. First of all, Rene, you know I’m always in your corner. There’s absolutely no need for me to lay out all your accolades and tell anyone why you are qualified to speak on any number of issues. You just are, it’s called speaking from experience.
As for Homer, methinks you’re feeling a little upset that Rene called out your keyboard courage and that no one has called to get any of your “intelligent advice” on anything.
Why come and berate the woman on her own site? If you don’t agree, say that and move on. There’s absolutely no need for you to come and leave a list of insults in an attempt to tear this woman down.
Perhaps you shouldn’t click here anymore if you’re so disgusted with everything Rene is putting out here. This is a very juvenile way to articulate yourself and I would suggest using some sort of spell check next time. You’re showing your ignorance.
Rene, great job on CNN. I’m pretty sure they’ll be calling you back soon. They always do.
Get a Dictionary Homer! You are criticizing someone who is well-spoken and intelligent with the grammar of an oaf.
Great job Renee and by no means should you listen to that idiot. You look beautiful and my good friend Richelle Carey did a great job as well. Also for the record, I am a child of older parents. I don’t feel like I ever sacrificed or lacked anything growing up. My parents were at every event just like the younger parents. And you know what, I love the lessons that I’ve learned from my “old school” parents. I’m 33 right now. I don’t have kids or a husband yet, but I can only hope I’m as good of an older parent as mine were to me.
HOMER IS AN ID 10 T (IDIOT). keep doing your thang Rene
Homer, I wonder why we are all wasting our time on Rene’s site speaking to you…Oh well, she gave you space here so I guess I will also…You really should use a spell check before you hit the send button. Also, CNN called Rene and asked her for her opinion…They, nor Rene, asked you to listen to it!
Please go away.
Thank you.
Well said Rene! It is a shame that Homer has to take his (or her) frustrations out on you. However, this may be his only place to vent. It is apparent that he has personal issues to deal with. At this point in time, you may be his punching bag instead of the “psychologist” or therapist that he needs.
He tries to further support his opinions by discussing the “differences” in intelligent people. I’m not quite clear what he’s trying to say. Does he mean internalize instead of manifest, or was he trying to to say broadcast?
Nevertheless, we can all be considered qualified experts in some aspects of our life — whether through education or life experience. We’ve all had our hills and valleys. It’s how we choose to use those experiences that makes our life worth living.
To Homer — I hope you can take some of those situations and do some good for others. Go volunteer, write a blog, write a book, post a video on YouTube, or be featured on Oprah. The world is yours…you just have to take the first step. I wish you the best, and my prayers are with you and your family. I hope you find peace.
Homer is missing the point, experience and training makes experts. The comment about Rene’s hair was way off, and he clearly has a chip on his shoulder.
That’s what I’m talking about, Rene! In the words of the late great Flip Wilson, “Sock it to ‘em!!”
I agree with the caller. Raising children today is quite different than when my parents were rasing me. I’m not brave enough to do it at any age.
Surely (and this is partly addressed to Homer as well as being a general observation on the whole ‘who makes anyone an authority on anything’) it is not only the experiences we have of things in life but the way we learn from them and apply them, how we share them – however we may choose to do that – how gracious we are and able we are to come from a place of love. And that is what Rene does. Beautifully.
Homer, Homer, Homer!
Prayers are coming your way buddy! You need them. Spell check would also be a good idea before you hit send. While you are at it, throw in a towel for good measure. That would be to clean up all of the froth you spewed out at Rene.
Take some of that energy you use to rant with and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. I bet in your reflection you will see a cowardly, angry man who has nothing better to do than put others down. Prayers are all you have. Best of luck.
@ Homer
If you were such an expert in expertise, especially the intellect you think you have claims on, 1) you’d get a dictionary,
2) Any intellectual worth their salt does not fight with derogatory comments hurled at someone you can neither see nor touch, but they fight with facts and their own feelings, not flip and snide remarks that detract!, from their argument being taken with any bit of seriousness.
Sure, your racist, snarky attitude might make you in charge of your keyboard, and it’s fine that you have had tough rows in your life. We all have. And it’s fine if you want to keep yours to yourself because you may be too afraid to outwardly discuss such personal things and so you remain alone in your pain and lash out. Any Shrink who has had psyche 101 will tell you that people others down to raise themselves up, especially the things people cannot change, (like say, their diction and command of their given language?)
Rene, having earned the respect of herself and many other obviously intelligent people has had the courage, exactly the trait you like to think you have, but lack in spades, to publicly put her laundry, clean and dirty out there for public discussion instead of hiding her head in silent shame at Home(r). Just because you are unwilling to look at these things does not mean others cannot gain from her experiences. We each live unique lives, with unique experiences. Rene has been lucky enough to live hers with a great variance of pstcho social experience along the way, on a real world, day to day level.
I’m sure you are the type that walks around saying “respect is something you earn, not a right”. Well Rene has obviously earned the respect of many people in many different fields. Being a mother is not “a profession”, it is flying by the seat of your friggin pants on a day to day basis. To be able to help others, many who are unsure of themselves, gain their own self respect is a gift Rene is able to give to so many on a daily basis. The biggest difference between you and her is that she seeks to build people up, while you try to tear them down. Din’t your mother ever tell you if you have nothing nice to say to keep your mouth shut. After all, “Who made you an expert on experts?” Sitting in your house hurling insults at the unknown as you fear to share your pain with others. (God Forbid you show a little emotion and maybe, ah help nother person get through their day.)
I’d love to keep going, but I listen to my Good Enough Mother.
In short, Homer is a closet fan of Renee. He will continue watching her shows, reading and commenting on her blogs and in time he will…..
Anyone who ever tries to do anything good to make a difference, and public figures are always targets of others hate, insensitive, irrational judgements and false accusations…. Homer may very well be a troubled person and spends all of his or her time putting others down to make them feel better about themselves…. I have had the pleasure of working with Rene in the past, and she is a genuine, caring, funny and beautiful woman, inside and out… what you see is what you get!!! One of the most beautiful women on tv… and I like your hair better now than it ever was!!! It’s the way God made you!!! Own it!!! xoxoxo!!!!
And i just read Homer’s response from 3 hours ago… I know people just like him/her that use the same wording and I have his/her number…. I could probably make a guess what he/she stands for and maybe even down to the political party he aligns himself herself with… they try to sound like normal people, but you can tell, they really think themselves, better, more educated and more enlightened than others…
Rene, you are my hero! Oh and you forgot one-an authority on being the voice of what many mothers feel-and letting them know it’s OK to be Good Enough!
Homer,don’t judge a book by it’s cover- there once was a man with a head full of naturally, thick unruly curls and mustache that many felt he probably needed to-in your words-’do something’ with-he just happened to be an authority on relativity-among other things, look him up, the fellow’s name was .Albert Einstein.
Read it. Re-read it and just want to say… Stay encouraged. The best thing you’ve said is, “keep your eye on the prize”.
What was intended to hurt you – only fuels you. It always has. Always will.
You must have naysayers and roadblocks to truly recognize how much more powerful Grace is. Trust me, there is a plan behind difficult bosses and “e-baller’s”. Pressure only reveals who you truly are – and by all the support shown… We like the fact that you’re perfectly imperfect. It’s what makes you – you – and even when nobody likes it – you’re kind enough to respect their opinion and keep it moving.
Kudos!!
This is a win-win:
You know you’re famous and the site is gaining in popularity when you start getting trolls! HAHA. You’ve got one of the highest order in Homer who (a) can’t spell, (b) rambles (c) will never have anything good to say.
The great news is this new volume of visits will be a great source of advertising revenue! Thanks, guy!
Rene…smart to approve Homer’s response. You have a HUGE following, and the laws of social media will work for you, and they have. Your fans outnumber him, and well, it’s a massacre, and you’ve gotten a ton of hits for this “contraversy.” Good going…now go parlay it into more television gigs and more ad buys for your site. And you may even consider sending a sincere thanks to Mr. Homer. LOL
Rene, you have gone through the fire like a phoenix and still moving forward. Everyone is racing towards their own prize and people will always attempt to label, categorize and box up each other’s personality. As my mother always says, “Keep your head high, look them in the eye and always look out for number one, YOU!”
Keep the fire hot woman!
Homer is correct about one thing…some people do keep things to themselves. One of Rene’s many strengths is her ability to relate to others; it makes us realize that we aren’t alone. We are reminded that other people struggle and survive..and even get a belly laugh in every once in a while. Keep it up Rene, you are an inspiration!
[...] caustic (which we knew), out of touch woman who has no clue about the subtleties of racism and the places it hides. Maybe she could ask her black bodyguard while they’re out shootin’ hoops or better yet, [...]
Rene I love your hair. I think natural is best, and you are a beautiful intellegent human.
Lordie bee….I knew there was something to like about you! Now I read your response to Homer & I say there are alot of things to like about you!
Rene -
Bravo!!!!!……..Well said!
[...] instead of lamenting them, embrace them as the learning experience they are and be thrilled for the transformation that will occur as a [...]
You are more gracious than I. ‘Nuff said.
[...] THE TRANSFORMATION OF RENE [...]
Well said! Well said! Very Well said!! You are so right about those who hide behind the “anonymity of their laptops” they only have “keyboard courage” But you on the other hand are a very courageous and inspiring woman. I love your hair!!! I too transitioned within the past 2 years. The freedom I felt when I cut the last inches of chemically straightened hair off was undescribable!!!!!!!
[...] this year. I want people to see me as I am NOW and to recognize not just my hard work but also my evolution. Change is important for all of us and I want everyone to know you can ALWAYS change your story. [...]
Sometimes, Rene, your responses leave me speechless, and this is one of them. I want to be like you when I grow up.
BRAVO! You are the best and in a category all your own which is not just a “good enough” place to be, it is terrific and even more wonderful because you do such a great job at showing others they can create their own unique category themselves. No worries if the “Homers” of this world can’t see beyond what they know nothing about. I thought your responce was even more interesting because you did not fall back on a list of traditional formal college education, which I happen to know you have, but rather the stuff that matters – your own life experience. Luv ya
OMG! I think that he is a closed minded individual, but it takes all kinds to make the world go round…LOL…
Rene I am so not worried about these type of people. You are living out your destiny. I’m thankful that you found it and that you share it with the world. You help many people on many levels! Take care and keep up the good work…
Rene, how eloquently spoken. It’s amazing that you have such grace and peace in your words. I have personally missed you on television and am happy to see you return. Bravo for speaking out on behalf of the “Good Enough” mothers like me!
Renee, girl he must have meant mane, right, and thanks for squaring his ass off for me. Your Blog is beautiful, as well as your hair, but You with that hair (is/are) gorgeous and your smile kid, could, could light up hell, turn on the light Girlfriend…….
Standing and clapping…………….then posting on my page for others to read.
What are his issues (no one spews that much toxicity w/out MAJOR personal issues)? But who am I kidding, I nor anyone else really cares abt the answer to that question.
Make no mistake, I LOVE your hair and work hard to try to coax my
hair to look like or at least similar to yours! Your hair is absolutely gorgeous!
Your response was so classy and gracious! Bravo to you!
That was the most gracious and dignified response to Homer’s comment. You said all that needed to be said and even educated him in what has become the most wonderful transformation in many women and men lives which is embracing our Natural beauty inside and out. Keep doing what you do and thanks for being my She-Ro!!! By the way… Love the Hair!!!!
Rene what a great response to ignorance; great job on your blog!
[...] The Transformation of Rene My “Target Moment”: How I Left TV News Behind Hair Care: My Top 5 Hair Growth Secrets letting kids make their own cosmetic decisions natural hair teen behaviro wanting to conform TwitterDiggFacebookDeliciousStumbleUpon [...]